Robert Burns gives us a gleefully mean-spirited portrait of Willie Wastle’s wife, a woman so hideous and slovenly that the speaker wouldn’t trade a single button for her. The poem piles on comic insults in thick Scots dialect: she has one eye the colour of a cat’s, a handful of rusty teeth, a hairy chin that nearly meets her nose, and crooked, mismatched legs that twist her body in opposite directions. Even her attempts at washing her face with a rough cloth only underline her filth. The speaker’s voice isn’t angry, just cracking jokes at her expense, half amazed that Willie puts up with such a creature. It creates a rollicking, exaggerated mood, as if you’re listening to a neighbour gossip over a pint, delighted by his own cruelty. The refrain — I wouldn’t give a button for her — lands like a punchline, making the whole thing feel like a rowdy comic song.
370. Song—Sic a Wife as Willie had — Summary
WILLIE WASTLE dwalt on Tweed, The spot they ca’d it Linkumdoddie; Willie was a wabster gude, Could stown a clue wi’ ony body: He had a wife was dour and din, O Tinkler Maidgie was her mither; Sic a wife as Willie had, I wad na gie a button for her!
She has an e’e, she has but ane, The cat has twa the very colour; Five rusty teeth, forbye a stump, A clapper tongue wad deave a miller: A whiskin beard about her mou’, Her nose and chin they threaten ither; Sic a wife as Willie had, I wadna gie a button for her!
She’s bow-hough’d, she’s hein-shin’d, Ae limpin leg a hand-breed shorter; She’s twisted right, she’s twisted left, To balance fair in ilka quarter: She has a lump upon her breast, The twin o’ that upon her shouther; Sic a wife as Willie had, I wadna gie a button for her!
Auld baudrons by the ingle sits, An’ wi’ her loof her face a-washin; But Willie’s wife is nae sae trig, She dights her grunzie wi’ a hushion; Her walie nieves like midden-creels, Her face wad fyle the Logan Water; Sic a wife as Willie had, I wadna gie a button for her!