The pain leaves first

Something so important and lasting

Leaving nothing but an impression

Then the fear

And if I'm (un)lucky enough

the emotions as well

So imposing and controlling

Completely forgotten

It only takes a month

Maybe a year if I grasp with all my heart and soul

But eventually even the memory itself will leave

The action

That caused so much

A million habits

Born of pain and fear and saddeness

And I can't even remember why

How many times

How many times was I hurt

I can only remember one

But habits like these aren't born of one time occurrences

Hangers on the floor broken

A precious toy hidden away

Clothes that hide my frame

My tears are silent for a reason

But I can only remember one hit

I can't even remember the hit itself

Just the before after and the tears that followed

I remember other things

I remember other hurts

Less physical ones

But they left just as much as a mark

On the train when you made fun of my crying

In the car when you made light of my tears

In Lowes of all places after I fought myself down from a panic attack on my own

You all told me to stop

That I was being irrational

That there was no reason to be so upset

You made fun of my fears

I know they seemed silly

But they were still scary to me

They still are

But I hide behind jokes

And I learned to be silent

I tried my best to cry only at school

But I was only a child

I still am a child

And I can see you doing the same to my brother

I can see now what you did to my sibling

But they got out

They have a house

You don't even expect me to go to college

What do you expect of my brother

I hope it's nothing more than he can handle

Because while I can't remember what you did to me

I can see every time you touch him

Every time you berate him for his fears

And I will not forget.