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CRAZY_JC
Maybe I don't cry, but I hurt
Maybe I won't say, but I feel
Maybe I don't show, but I care
After many months, I can finally say I don't have feelings for you anymore.
Feeling are like
Black paper
No one knows what to
do with it
And want to do something
that's complicated
Then let it stay
Black
That seems more
Fresh
Than the the written paper
Because written papers are
expectations
And expectations are not feeling
So, it's better to be
Blank paper
the prompt stared at me big and bold
random letters on a thin sheet of paper
small and inconsequential
"What do you want to be different in your life in five years? How would you change it?"
normally i bullshit my way through these essays
basic cookie-cutter answers guaranteed every year
that deflect what's really in my
soul
but this time i was honest with myself
and strangers who'd never really know me
bound by anonymity
my mother found it in the mail
re-sent with a letter of congratulations
and i spent that night
bruised and scolded
reminded once again that feelings are meant to be buried deep down
after years
and years
and
years
of feeling,
one day it's like my brain was done
like a switch was flipped inside my soul
like all my feelings had been felt, poured out 'til not a drop was left
like my heart was placed in a coma, beating not living
but i don't think it'll wake up
because i'm not so sure there's anything left
to pull it back to
life
Don't show feelings,
Never react to something,
Don't look them in the eye,
Don't show the suffering,
Never utter a word.
They never think that you are the one,
They're just using you,
For something they don't want to touch.
So just do it,
That's how they show the 'love',
Don't be fool,
You know it from the beginning.
Did you tell them that you wanna die?
Yeah? So do they believe it?
They think it's a joke? right?
HAHAHAH, I knew it,
how do my feelings somehow always get overlooked
just like me.
Some days,
I feel everything at once.
Other days,
I feel nothing at all.
I don't know what's worse:
Drowning beneath the waves
Or dying from thirst.
Is there ever really a good enough
or does it just sum up
what we're feeling
cause we're just dreaming
And no one knows what
being content really means