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Dave Bonta
Shrove Tuesday rider
give me pretty knives
with agate shafts
cold world
give me a heart to pare
morning brought new
velvet life to the crow
his wanting lung round and angry
bled raw salt
many were the knives strange was the ink
taken to the strangers’ table
that earth where
he would not sit
but in discontent went up
and down and up
the only trumpet
for a company of ants
Morning of green water
and agate knife—
the first barber—
stayed so long that we let
tomorrow go.
hot summer night
itching even where
nothing itches
wind from the west the sound of metal striking metal
I found a knife in the woods. Or more accurately, I found an old, tooled leather sheath for a knife with the remains of a hilt sticking out of it.
i lay there for twenty-two days
wilting
crying
feeling as if i was slowly dying
while still begging for the help that never came
i lay there for twenty-two days before i learned
that help would
never
come
and the stabbing, gut-wrenching pain would
never
end
until i took that knife and killed the soulless creature devouring me
in cold blood
Sharpening my knife,
I plunge it
into the flesh of time
chopping
chopping
chopping
chopping
chopping
me, in thin, fine slices...
everyone has been hurt before
they keep their bruises hidden under their skin coat
nobody stops to think about the bruises under their skin
until the sun sinks below the windowsill
some people have deep gashes covered by their bodies
the knife was driven through but didn't pierce any skin
so why did it hurt so bad?
how come every time they open their eyes they would rather staple them shut then get up and face the day?
Everything was bright.
It was for awhile.
I was happy.
I smiled like I meant it,
people noticed.
People were happy for me.
But something happened again.
I started to slip.
Something started pulling me down.
It would take me at night,
tell me I was safe in its arms.
I felt safe,
I let I take me in.
But the pain started,
I tried to break free from its grasp.
I held my head up high and tried to break free.
to peel an apple--
a store full of knives and swords!
ah, well--
How do I stop the pain?
Do I take a knife and slit my throat
Do I cut my self-till the pain dulls away?
How about hanging myself on my celling fan
Or shooting all my bullies
Oh wait ive got the answer
I’ll just pop another pill
Drown myself in the bathtub
Do I jump of the nearest bridge?
Or throw myself in front of a speeding car
NO THOSE ARE NOT THE ANSWERS
I’ll get help that’s what I’ll do
I’ll tell some no good therapist
My sorry ass story
How I hate my life
How nobody truly understands me
I can recall the day
When childhood died.
I had grown thin and tall
And eager-eyed.
Such a false happiness
Had seized me then;
A child, I saw myself
Man among men.
Now I see that I was
Ignorant, surprised,
As one for the surgeon's knife
Anæsthetized.
So that I did not know
What loomed before,
Nor how, a child, I became
A child no more.