C.C. Hawthrone

Twigs are what I call them Wrapping me in embrace My cell grows flowers My cell grows fur Green flowers for me Green fur by the sea And almost everywhere am I blue Top to bottom I'll never wake up Coma but a light sleeper They call me mother And treat me like the dogs they Themselves Bark at.

It tastes like copper And I bite my lip Just to check for my blood type

Of course.

It looks like the darkest cavern And I close my eyes Just to compare shades of black

Of course.

It sounds like chaos And I suffer in silence Just to notice how quieter it would be

Of course

It feels like all three And I scream and I scream and I scream for help Just to hear the sound of my own voice

Of course.

A lie on Friday A lie on Saturday A lie on Sunday

Right before the dusk or dawn? A promise on Wednesday A promise on Thursday A promise on every day that ends in 'y' Why?

I ask.

Why do you lie To me? You don't answer I never spoke the question out loud You always take more than allowed Maybe it's my fault

Oh, it's definitely my fault And all my faulty empathy Now I bask in apathy Or does it bask in me?

These have answers I don't seek. What do you think you mean to me?

Nothing? Nothing.

Silly me, I'm so disrespectful.

Maybe that's why you lie to me, And I cried myself to sleep. But now it's only apathy. Wrapped around the promises You never seem to keep.

There are so many things I have to say But my body is a cage I dropped them off along the way And called myself a sage I really wish I could have stayed Or waited just a little while But I'm frivolous Ostentatious Presumptuous Sick I'm going to be sick

I am nothing. Cold. Useless. Invisible. Above watered Surfaces I float.

Saturated In tiny specks That lie under Me as I devote

All my wasted energy On: people, Projects I abhore.

When I cut off: all the Necessary People, Projects I adore.

It still crys out for help Occasionally It still raises its hand Predominantly It still asks for the will power Accidentally

Is it scared when humiliated? It doesn't divulge Does it chase what is theirs? Sometimes Does it beg? Never

Agitation climbs the rungs of my spine My legs twisted in all angles Knees and elbows bend over time Dig my nails in the ground As I mourn what was mine Blood rushing my ears As I don't make a sound

Pain Like rust You confused it for salt It felt as intense as pleasure Joy Like oil You confused for molasses It felt like a balm to all your wounds Love Like fire You confused it for candlelight It felt like you could blow it out