The speaker is tangled in spiritual contradictions, and he’s brutally honest about it. He complains that opposites somehow unite in him: his inconstancy itself has become a stubborn habit. Even when he doesn’t want to, he keeps changing his vows and his dedication to God. His guilt is as moody and forgettable as his earthly loves — one moment prayerful, the next silent; now burning with zeal, then utterly empty. Yesterday he couldn’t bear to glimpse heaven; today he sweet-talks God in prayer; tomorrow he’ll tremble with genuine dread of punishment. His devotion strikes like a strange fever, flaring up and fading without pattern. The poem turns on a startling admission: those are actually his best days, the ones when he shakes with fear. That final line is both unsettling and oddly hopeful, as if only raw, terrified awe can anchor his restless soul. The mood is intimate and self-lacerating, full of weariness at his own unsteady heart.
Holy Sonnet XIX: Oh, To Vex Me, Contraries Meet In One — Summary
Oh, to vex me, contraries meet in one: Inconstancy unnaturally hath begot A constant habit; that when I would not I change in vows, and in devotion. As humorous is my contrition As my profane love, and as soon forgot: As riddlingly distempered, cold and hot, As praying, as mute; as infinite, as none. I durst not view heaven yesterday; and today In prayers and flattering speeches I court God: Tomorrow I quake with true fear of his rod. So my devout fits come and go away Like a fantastic ague; save that here Those are my best days, when I shake with feare.