Robert Burns adopts the voice of a street pedlar to hawk “troggin”—cheap election wares—from the banks of the Dee. Every item in his pack is a scandalous dig at a local figure caught up in Mr. Heron’s 1795 election. An earl’s fame is a stolen old song, a man’s reputation fits through a needle’s eye, a conscience was never worn, and a coat of arms bears a rotten crab-apple at the core. The list unspools like a twisted auction of moral bankruptcy: pawned scraps of truth, Satan pouncing like a buzzard, a baptismal font used to christen crimes. The speaker’s tone is gleefully contemptuous, turning corruption into carnival. The mood is bitterly comic—a dark, mocking laughter that leaves you feeling like the Devil himself is about to become a chapman and buy the whole rotten stock.
551. Ballad on Mr. Heron’s Election—No. 4 — Summary
WHA will buy my troggin, fine election ware, Broken trade o’ Broughton, a’ in high repair?
Chorus.—Buy braw troggin frae the banks o’ Dee; Wha wants troggin let him come to me.
There’s a noble Earl’s fame and high renown, For an auld sang—it’s thought the gudes were stown— Buy braw troggin, &c.
Here’s the worth o’ Broughton in a needle’s e’e; Here’s a reputation tint by Balmaghie. Buy braw troggin, &c.
Here’s its stuff and lining, Cardoness’ head, Fine for a soger, a’ the wale o’ lead. Buy braw troggin, &c.
Here’s a little wadset, Buittle’s scrap o’ truth, Pawn’d in a gin-shop, quenching holy drouth. Buy braw troggin, &c.
Here’s an honest conscience might a prince adorn; Frae the downs o’ Tinwald, so was never worn. Buy braw troggin, &c.
Here’s armorial bearings frae the manse o’ Urr; The crest, a sour crab-apple, rotten at the core. Buy braw troggin, &c.
Here’s the worth and wisdom Collieston can boast; By a thievish midge they had been nearly lost. Buy braw troggin, &c.
Here is Satan’s picture, like a bizzard gled, Pouncing poor Redcastle, sprawlin’ like a taed. Buy braw troggin, &c.
Here’s the font where Douglas stane and mortar names; Lately used at Caily christening Murray’s crimes. Buy braw troggin, &c.
Here is Murray’s fragments o’ the ten commands; Gifted by black Jock to get them aff his hands. Buy braw troggin, &c.
Saw ye e’er sic troggin? if to buy ye’re slack, Hornie’s turnin chapman—he’ll buy a’ the pack. Buy braw troggin, &c.