Burns wrote this ballad about a real fight over the deanship of the Faculty of Advocates in Edinburgh. The candidates were Henry Erskine (“Hal”), a witty and learned lawyer, and Robert Dundas (“Bob”), a duller but devout man. Burns clearly favors Hal, and the poem bristles with sarcasm. He insists Bob won not on merit but because his mediocrity flattered the establishment—their worships preferred someone who would owe everything to their grace, not to his own talents. The speaker’s mood swings from mock-heroic historic parallels to savage biblical farce: Bob’s mental fog is likened to Balaam’s ass, and his victory proves “heaven can boil the pot, tho’ the devil piss in the fire.” The final stanza openly sneers at the “sublime Majority,” congratulating them for loving servants with maximum incapacity. It’s a furious, funny attack on cronyism and the reward of obedience over ability.
548. The Dean of Faculty: A new Ballad — Summary
DIRE was the hate at old Harlaw, That Scot to Scot did carry; And dire the discord Langside saw For beauteous, hapless Mary: But Scot to Scot ne’er met so hot, Or were more in fury seen, Sir, Than ’twixt Hal and Bob for the famous job, Who should be the Faculty’s Dean, Sir.
This Hal for genius, wit and lore, Among the first was number’d; But pious Bob, ’mid learning’s store, Commandment the tenth remember’d: Yet simple Bob the victory got, And wan his heart’s desire, Which shews that heaven can boil the pot, Tho’ the devil piss in the fire.
Squire Hal, besides, had in this case Pretensions rather brassy; For talents, to deserve a place, Are qualifications saucy. So their worships of the Faculty, Quite sick of merit’s rudeness, Chose one who should owe it all, d’ye see, To their gratis grace and goodness.
As once on Pisgah purg’d was the sight Of a son of Circumcision, So may be, on this Pisgah height, Bob’s purblind mental vision— Nay, Bobby’s mouth may be opened yet, Till for eloquence you hail him, And swear that he has the angel met That met the ass of Balaam.
In your heretic sins may you live and die, Ye heretic Eight-and-Tairty! But accept, ye sublime Majority, My congratulations hearty. With your honours, as with a certain king, In your servants this is striking, The more incapacity they bring, The more they’re to your liking.