(e.j.p)

the outside used to scare me. too unpredictable, too light, too much

i used to be afraid of letting the sun see my face, as if it would burn me to the ground. i uesd to be afraid of them, as if they would tear my body to shreds. i used to be afraid of the most innocent of touch, as if it would take my organs and replace them with poison ivy.

instead of living i used to lock myself in a prison the shape of my body, shattering to pieces a million times a day, drowning myself in an ocean of tears, trashing paintings and mirrors and sleeping in the shards.

i used to i used to

so you can go ahead and call me neurotic, a failure, pathetic. because today, i saw the sun.