Mentally Ill

I'm happy and depressed Mad and sad Lonely and suffocated Wanting to cry but to aware of the fakeness of these tears Wanting to thrash around but staying as still as a statue Afraid of living but tired of dying This is my cry for help Because I'm unable speak up Always showing a smile but speaking violently Hating my thoughts but loving my opinions Scared of the dark but i fell for the black space that surrounds me I'm as silent as a mouse while i scream for help at the top of my lungs Please help me let me solve my own problems I'm not bipolar my emotions are always together A marriage of 4 that never divorces Breaking me into one piece The night is my morning And morning my night Drooping eyes with lively pupils Always tired while wide awake It hurts so much please take it out I don't want it anymore but I need it I'm in love with it I'm again realizing my pain is my love for hatred Or is it my hatred for the love I need I don't know anymore I need pain to get rid of this pain