pocket-sized self

i'm scared growing up i'm scared of the day i can drive away i'm scared of the days i'll forget i'm scared to be truly alone but i also crave it so much it drives me insane i crave the wind in the windows of my car listening to indulgent tunes i crave creating memories to tell and forgetting them to make something grand i crave falling away and letting go i crave to be alone alone alone no housemates no neighbours no streets no towns just me just me just me just me and my head and my body thoughts and emotions and scars and flesh i'm scared of myself i'm scared of the cravings of the wants and not the needs but i do not let them go i let them stay hidden in the very back pocket for my final day