Refusal
tell me i'm beautiful
tell me i'm strong
tell me i'm wanted
or that i've done nothing wrong
so i can deny it
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Anxious, Ancient Artifact, in English Clear filters
They Call It Fascination
it's like a nightmare
playing over and over in my head
what'd she do?
how'd it happen?
could you feel it down to the last atom?
did you want to die?
why does it matter pequeña? it's over.
because i need to know
i need to torture myself
with guilt and shame and hatred
as i live with the burden of your trauma
so i never forget it's my fault
Lapse
i wish there was a rulebook that tells you how to be
and what to talk about when it is time to talk about it
and what to do when you should take action
because every step i take
every breath that leaves these lungs
is wrong
Anxiety
i can hear them on the
other side of the door
laughing and shouting about our blind, deaf, dumb dog
and the blasting tv
and the open window letting in the rain
and the food still clinging to the "clean" plates
i think it's beautiful
i think maybe there's a spot on that couch where i can pet that
blind, deaf, dumb dog
and maybe i can get away with yelling about stuff too but not doing it
i think maybe they're already happy
i think maybe one more person is just a crowd
i think maybe i'll just shut my door all the way and count the bumps
in my popcorn ceiling
Suffocation
as long as you breathe
i won't be able to
Deaf Ears, Blind Eyes
just looking at your face three desks away
i can tell you're different
beautiful
alive
but that also means you stand out and i can't
won't
be noticed again
so i ignore every glance and subtle touch and passed along note
hoping you'll get the hint and stop
hoping you won't
Sorry Officer
he pulled me over
because my hands shook so bad i swerved
left and right
drunk
on my panic attack
his badge flashed
like that earring He wore
the night He scarred my soul
the officer touched my hand to pull me out of it
to bring me back to reality
ma'am, are you okay? i'm here. take deep breaths.
i screamed so hard
other cars pulled over to help
because every hand feels the same
no matter their intentions
Or Flight
face-down i laid on that dusty carpet
acutely aware of the bed above me
mattress heavy enough to crush my lungs if it fell
and your head knocking against the battered walls
thump
thump
thump
because instinct screams at you to run and hide
to listen to every fucking heartbeat of the enemy
when violence lurks nearby
Silent Cries
Softly floating around the town,
The snowflakes gently fell
So quiet they scarcely made a sound.
From each delicate lace they were bound
To hold a secret they wished to yell,
Softly floating around the town.
Intricate details carefully wound,
Dirt or blood you could not tell.
So quiet they scarcely made a sound.
Each landed gracefully in a mound,
Hiding the fate that she befell,
Softly floating around the town.
The snowflakes twisted and turned around,
Much like performing for clientele,
So quiet they scarcely made a sound.
With beauty carefully crowned,
Cavity
with trembling hands, i cover my eyes
but not my ears
so i can hear his footsteps as he stomps through the halls.
i wince
as he bumps into the table and its squeak assaults my ears.
i choke
down a sob as he grumbles drunkenly.
stupid woman, moving my fucking crap.
stupid woman, spending all my damn money.
stupid woman, not waiting for me.
i forget to breathe, heart
sinking
as he stops at my door.
i force myself to groan and roll over as though i'm asleep,
struggling to breathe as the air grows thick and heavy.
i swallow the burn in my throat as he pats my knee.
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