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Jason Ridpath
All my old ways.
Haunt me again.
Cocaine, alcohol, and the silly mind games that I play to stay awake.
Just avoiding the parade as were shuffling closer to our grave.
Cocaine and alcohol helping or hindering.
I don’t care I’m just coping with the pain.
Trying to pretend that I am sane like everybody else.
Swallowing pills, more than you need to take.
Not knowing how to swim, but diving into a lake.
It's a little bit sad, and a little bit ironic,
how life can make us feel like we need some more tonic.
A little more alcohol, just to soothe the pain.
A little more drugs, just to be happy again.
The bottle breaks
hell breaks loose
The glass shatters
I'm the one to lose.
The water runs red
it escapes my pores.
Sweat runs
salty against the sores.
The smell of bourbon on your breath
the taste of iron on your tongue.
Grit your teeth,
ready to lunge.
Rotting your brain
the empty fist brings all the pain.
One hand bottle,
One hand blood
My dad is a drunk.
All he does is sit in the garage and drink to numb his problems,
Instead of facing them.
He feels like a failure.
I understand that.
But he needs to understand that he was never a failure until he picked up a bottle.
He's terribly ill all the time,
Can't hold down a job,
And has me for a child.
I know that's gotta hurt.
But he lets it hurt my family.
He no longer talks to his brother.
He is forbidden from his mother's house.
He and mom fight all day, and then cuddle at night.
I'm sick of them playing house.
I don't think they remember what love feels like.
The little piano plays
The jewelry box is open
The ballerina spins on delicate springs;
The jewelry is out
She wraps it over her small little body
mommy is not looking
the toddler becomes a queen
the stuffed animals are awake and clapping
glitter spills out of her smile
giggles paint the room
“Look mommy aren’t I pretty?”
The mirror in the sparkly box
reflects mommy tangled in white bed sheets
back bent on a twin size bed
limp arm staring at
an empty bottle on the floor