I'm just a random girl
Who is lost
in her own thoughts
I'm a failed teenager
With a disoriented life
I'm such a mess that
Even I can't find
the old me
I'm just a immature girl
Who erased her old self
And now everything
remaining In her is
emptiness and dark
A lost girl who can't find her way home?
A small girl crushed by words?
A strong emotionless woman who let's no one near her heart?
A strong girl who rips away the pain with blood and tears?
Am I Seran?
Am I Sevar?
Am I Sabrina?
Am I Casanna?
In the end
I'm all of them
Put into one small girl
But am I really all of them?
Or just one of them?
If so, which one am I?
Or am I someone else?
I don't know who I am?
define me
please
it doesn't matter what you say or how you do it
i just need some
direction
any direction
What's in a person's name,
past it being theirs to own
and to notify of a neighbor's call?
What binds it to us - past remembrance
and the need to write to identify?
Why should we use these names
that hold nothing for us
past a label applied by other labels?
Why should I keep this name
that is tied to nothing but myself;
nothing but a haggard child
with eyes and smile both tired and aching
in a dimly-lit room I often forget?
Why, indeed.
Tonight, I spoke with the devil
How strange, he looked like me
A beckoning hand, an awful grin
Is this what I'm meant to be?
That mirror is cracked now,
My hands bleeding fast
I can gaze no longer
At the face from the past
Oh, when will you understand?
When will you understand
That I'm so much more than a sleight of hand
Oh, I'm just a little tired, that's all
Just don't forget to catch when I fall
Yes, tonight I spoke with an angel
Strange, they looked a lot like me
Yet unwilling to help, was he
Being young and queer is...
As romantic
As it is upsetting
There is a struggle,
One which really only I can understand
It feels romantic
To be who I am
To be young and to be queer
I am something unique
Something truly special
Romantic like a rare gemstone in a ring
It feels upsetting
To be how I am
Young and queer and deep in hiding
I am something that must be kept hidden
To protect myself
At the fair, at my favorite stall with distorted mirrors
I look at
A squat me
A fat me
A looong me
A twisted me
A me I think me
A shattered me
A stretched me -
Suddenly-
the images begin to speak
They raise a finger at me
and says I am you you are me
I am you you are me -
I hide a smile -
They too...
Every time I am caught
With my back to someone's camera
I look aghast
Refusing to believe, to accept
That the unfamiliar posterior of a human head
With dirty grey wisps of hair
Like an odd-looking horseshoe
Stuck on a hairless scalp
That reflects the light of the camera flash
Is really me
Hiding behind an anterior
I thought I knew all my life -
A view of myself that I will never see
With my own eyes...
He saw himself in numbers,
statistics, facts, logic.
He saw himself in numbers
that toyed with his mind.
The IQ emblazoned
across his forehead
didn’t tell of the eloquent
nature of his thoughts.
The vocabulary count
written on his lips
didn’t mention the convivial
nature of his lay.
The measures of his shoulders,
muscles, waist circumfrence,
were ignorant of his frame’s
skinny beauty.
Why do people change?
Do they mature?
Or try to fit in?
Maybe they change for somebody.
Somebody they like,
Or somebody who didn't like them
They way they were.
Or maybe people change
Because they don't like themselves
The way they are.
But no matter the reasons,
People change.
And we did.
In early times in your life you were told
Be strong
but gentle
Beatifull
yet humble
Happy
still calm
And smile
Because your worth living
But how
they never told me me
How am I supposed to be them
and im supposed to be me
but I have to still be true to myself
I Try
try isnt worth anything
Is it normal to feel so many people inside you
and there always there
there all you
just different sides of you
and your all of them
but when you think about them
your confused
and the confused you is confused
Always a argument
the drama queen
the girl who's mean
and there all me
its ok if you think I'm insane
or theres something wrong with my brain
most people think of me as nobody
or just don't think of me