Craig Rozniecki

What I could normally see, I can see no more, Blind to what stares me in the face, My vision suddenly blurred, Others hand me aids, To help me see more clearly, Clouded in too much thought, Fearful of my feelings, My literacy like that of a newborn, Unable to see what’s in front of me, Analyzing every last detail, To learn how to read, Mixed signals come my way, As optimism and pessimism collide, Hope that history does not repeat itself, Yet doubts enter my mind, Is there reason for hope? Or am I grasping at straws? Wanting to believe something that’s not, Living in denial, Glasses are of no aid, Neither are non-convoluted signs, With the truth staring me in the face, Oblivious to the obvious am I.

Kind and loving, Generous and nurturing, Hard-working and wise, Good with elders and children, Laid back and funny, Loyal and honest, Close to her family, Confident yet modest, Communicative and patient, As personable as one can get, Sweet and diligent, Can get along with anyone, Never takes for granted, Appreciates the little things, Doesn’t become complacent, Loves me for me, Beautiful to my eyes, Beautiful to my heart, Beautiful to my mind, “Beautiful” not doing her justice, Her eyes sparkle as they stare into mine, Pupils dilate, A warming of my heart, It was worth the wait, Uncertain if I’m dreaming, Or am wide awake, If she’s real or a figment of my imagination, As I remain in a hypnotic state.

Searching in all the wrong places, Never getting it right, Told to stop looking, Fate will decide, I sit at a bar, A woman catches my eye, Do I walk over and say hello? Fate will decide, It’ll happen when I least expect it, Love will find me, She’ll fall into my arms, My soul mate, our destiny, I look all around me, Overwhelmed by the choices, Wanting to stand idly by, To let fate decide, Waiting for my fate, Waiting for my destiny, As the girl of my dreams walks by, Forever regretful for letting fate decide.

Is it my face? Does she cringe when I’m near? Is it my voice? A sound she can’t stand to hear? Is it my humor? Do my jokes offend? Is it my body? Lacking the muscles? Am I too nice? Thoughts of my not being genuine? Am I too honest? Not ready to hear my thoughts and feelings? Do I make her feel ashamed? Do I make her feel inadequate? Do I make her feel pain? Do I make her feel stressed? Rejected is my love, Rejected is my heart, Not ever knowing why, Not knowing where to start, Stressed by the rejection and drama, Pain lodged deep and rampant, Inadequate feelings I possess, Ashamed of what I remain ignorant.

My palms feeling sweaty, An escalating heat fills the room, Heart palpitations increasing, Not knowing what I should do, My pulse starts to race, Mouth agape from which no words emanate, Foot twitches rapidly, Stuttering when I begin to speak, Paranoid of her discomfort, Fearful that it’s too soon, Worried about rejection, Not knowing what I should do, Wishing for a magical connection, A mutual telepathic moment, As our heads turn toward one another, And our lips simultaneously converge, Never wanting to make her uncomfortable, An excuse to which I resort, As I sit here and ponder, Not knowing what I should do.

I walk down the street, See what I know, The world in front of me, Feeling well and tall, A squirrel climbs a tree, A child runs around, Mosquitoes, flies, bees, Some ants on the ground, I stop and stand back, Garnering a better perspective, Of the world I know, Feeling confident and important, I then gaze about the stars, Unable to comprehend the distance, Unable to understand the size, Feeling small in the process, I look down from a plane, Little dots moving about, The world I know, The world that is not, A speck on this earth, A speck in this life, Unable to comprehend the little dot that I am, Unable to understand the world that is not.

Walking along the desert, I feel the blazing heat, As a smile comes across my face, In the knees I feel weak, The sun brightens the sky, The sky crystal clear, Not a cloud in sight, Not a worry or fear, A sudden change in scenery, As I freeze in the bitter cold, Gusty winds making it difficult to see, Unable to know where to go, I search for signs, To find out where I am, I cry and yell, Not knowing what just happened, Constant changes in scenery, Lost as I walk about them, Wishing her treatment was at room temperature, As I fall from exhaustion with the hot and cold treatment.

Sheltered from this world, Protected from potential harm, Fearful of being released, Wanting to maintain its innocence, As it begins to mature, Innocence slowly fades, Longing for a sense of freedom, To make its own decisions, Finally out in the world, Released to the masses, Curiosity at its peak, Expanding with every experience, Handed to another, Trusting of their care, Full of life and joy, Fears, worries and doubts spared, No longer protected, No longer innocent, Beating with desire, Beating with passion, Looked at momentarily, Before being thrown to the ground, Slowly breaking, Being kicked and stomped upon, Released unto her, Beating with life, Broken and crushed, The beating has stopped.