Everything is silent other than my mind
Memories of us race through my head
The arguments
The mornings
The kisses
The paint
The everything
And I try to think of ways I could be happy with out you but it's been so many months and the only thing that comes to mind is you
And I ran to the ocean
The last time I saw you
You told me that you loved me
That was the best day but also the worst day of my life
Because as I watched you leave on the train
I didn't know that would be the last time I ever saw you
I sleep with so many pillow on my bed so I dont feel alone every night
With the pain of not having you, I shed tears and blow my nose, I want to be a man and just laugh but, I can't fix the habit of becoming blank every moment
Happiness, beating heart,
Shining eyes is what
Myths mean to a
Sad , heavy hearted,
Watery eyed person.
You broke me in a way
That my pieces went
Running away,
They didn't anymore want
To be my parts.
TELL ME MA,
how do i kill myself
knowing that you almost died
giving birth to me
you say, psychology was your favorite subject
then why is it that you fail to understand me?
you ask me
"what problems can you possibly have?
you're only ninteen"
but how do i tell you ma?
how do i tell you, about the high-functioning depression that i am a victim of?
how do i tell you that i have anxiety issues,
when you doubt at my incapability
to write my exams and pass them?
how do i tell you about the girl who broke my heart when you're too conservative to even see me talk with a girl?
tell me, ma.
It was 3 am,
And my thoughts told me to hate myself,
To think about the inevitable sadness of all the things that are beautiful
It was 3 am,
And I am devoured under all this pain,
While sitting alone, And letting time pass by me.
It was 3 am,
And I am wondering why I should ever be loved,
Wishing to be more than just a body.
It was 3 am,
And I am terrified of the words I cannot pronouce, Scared that the most important words will never be written.
It was 3 am,
And I am wearing agony like a blanket.
So if I wake up tired the next morning,
Just let me be
Because I had a long battle with my thoughts the previous night,
The very thing that distinguishes us,
Is that, i wouldn't hesitate to choose you in every life time...
And you wouldn't choose me even in this one.
And although, i chose to give you my flesh and bones...
I know, I cannot love you into loving me.
So, there you are.... overflowing with my love,
And here i am, pleading for a droplet of yours..
Or whatever i could salvage.
But, there must come a time,
When you realise. That to grieve someone, hurts a lot less..
Than forcing someone to be a part you.
And i know, i must not beg for love...
But for just once,
I wanted someone, to be afraid of loosing me.
I'm not filled with void anymore
The pain doesn't
hit deep down to my core
Life is no more a host to grief
Still, sometimes;
I find myself gnawing at my sanity
My heart drowning
My soul sinking
My eyes above the ocean
Body numb below
Ears open to the mocking waves
Blood turning cold
The heart still naive
About to immerse
Too scared of its grave
Wrestling my existential angst
The nervousness
The nervelessness
The cold numbness
The mumbled words fell onto
The crumpled piece of paper,
Along with the falling
of a little bird
from seven hundred
feet high in the sky
onto the cruel ground,
and its becoming into
an unbreakable object.
A dead body,they called
We burn it, sometimes alive
An unthinking face studied
everything, before turning
Bittersweet
is what I would call it.
Thinking of us
trying desperately not to regret.
Our faces
laughing.
My face
crying.
I was always crying.
You vowed to never go back.
You said you were strong.
You convinced me.
Your love was much more than anything.
Bittersweet
is what I would call it.
I really did enjoy having you in my life.