i know i can be
alone.
i can survive the pain
alone.
i can feel the happiness
alone.
having you around is
comforting.
it's nice to not be by
myself.
but don't overstep your
place.
because i know i can be
alone.
fear
There's a truth in a
painted picture of grass,
as it's sways aside to reveal
secrets. In poppies that
grow bittersweet red and black,
that drank the sorrow and tried
to forget. To dancing fields
that grow from years
of crushed, decaying, pitiful lives,
to form those magnifiscent
oceans of cerulean upon gold.
Truths that cascade over storms,
rushes to help those caught in the
betraying winds and cold.
There's a glistening truth in
all sadness
What you work for,
What you all need,
Unable to fully function,
Unable to live without me,
To go out and eat,
Drink at a bar,
To rent a house,
Own a car,
To raise your kids,
Provide them education,
To give them shelter,
Provide them opportunity,
Causing you great stress,
Providing you tremendous joy,
Able to destroy your life,
Able to make you see another day,
Isn’t it a pleasure
To offer succor?
Oh yes, we are so genuine,
Touched to the heart
Feeling, we say, the same pain and sorrow
Though sometimes I wonder if we really do.
Be it death or a lesser misfortune
We condole, condemn the flippancy of fate
That dealt our kith or kin this cruelest blow.
Yet, I wonder, is it regret or relief
That predominates our minds
Regret for them and secretly, guiltily,
Relief that we have been spared for now?
My friend says – ‘Take it easy! Be cool!
Heavens won’t come falling down!’
I take a deep breath; try to loosen my facial muscles
Far away, beyond the green paddy fields
Beyond the thatched huts and palm tops
A hazy gray blending into darker black
Touching the shimmering white clouds
Mountains stand like sentinels.
It has been raining here; the leaves
Underfoot bear my weight in silence.
I pause – leeches, wriggling, reach out
And clamber up my legs; a flutter in the woods –
A bird? A boar? A deer? Who is it that I disturbed?
In the deep forests, everything is dark and moist.
Steam unfurls in the scattering sunlight.
Silently, I watch – across the ridge, a rock shifts –
In awe, with love, oh with so much love, a tusker in sight.
Above my head, Minivets, Scarlet, like flashes of fire.
At the traffic signal, I crawl up
Next to my friend's Mercedes
My thirty-three year old scooter
Hardly one-fourth its length.
My friend, his business worth crores
Puts down his Blackberry on the table
Beside my five-year old Nokia,
Scratched, scarred, and shoddy.
He hugs me, his cologne- laced shirt
Wrinkles its nose
At my faded cotton -
It tries to hide the button-less hole.
He said how, one day
He had this vision of a huge Banyan-like tree
Ants marching, monkeys jumping
Birds singing
I am listening.
The loudest, the most persistent
is the hum of the ceiling fan.
Cawing crows
Horning cars, rumbling trucks
Voices from across the street
Parvati moving about in the next room -
And the slow intake of breath into my lungs.
I turn my ears inward.
Conscious of myself tapping at the keyboard
The cursor blinking.
The little black line, going on and off
On and off, on and off
And waiting, patient.
I am emptying my mind – or so I would like to believe.
It was dusk outside; inside the long hall
Dinner was set; candles lit.
Away, from the end of the corridor
Twilight fell softly across the floor.
At the other end, a door opened
To a patch of sky and a green-capped tree.
In the hall, alone at the table, I sat
Staring at the food I really didn’t see.
I didn’t hear him first; maybe I sensed –
What was he after, inside a house?
Silently he had entered from the garden
Perhaps a gust of wind swept him in.
A little sparrow, fluttering his wings,
He skitters, flies up and down, zigzag.
He almost hit the ceiling, and he didn’t -
He tried to escape but the windows were closed.
How much truth in words?
How much fully said
How much wanted to say
How much conveyed
How much understood
How much you want to know?
When truth itself is so limited –
Its all a lie-
LOVE, LIFE, LIE…
I connect the dots between the words you say to me
And what you actually mean.
After many months, I can finally say I don't have feelings for you anymore.
Feeling are like
Black paper
No one knows what to
do with it
And want to do something
that's complicated
Then let it stay
Black
That seems more
Fresh
Than the the written paper
Because written papers are
expectations
And expectations are not feeling
So, it's better to be
Blank paper