I walk down the street,
See what I know,
The world in front of me,
Feeling well and tall,
A squirrel climbs a tree,
A child runs around,
Mosquitoes, flies, bees,
Some ants on the ground,
I stop and stand back,
Garnering a better perspective,
Of the world I know,
Feeling confident and important,
I then gaze about the stars,
Unable to comprehend the distance,
Unable to understand the size,
Feeling small in the process,
What I could normally see,
I can see no more,
Blind to what stares me in the face,
My vision suddenly blurred,
Others hand me aids,
To help me see more clearly,
Clouded in too much thought,
Fearful of my feelings,
My literacy like that of a newborn,
Unable to see what’s in front of me,
Analyzing every last detail,
To learn how to read,
Mixed signals come my way,
As optimism and pessimism collide,
Hope that history does not repeat itself,
Yet doubts enter my mind,
trees and lines and stickmen
and boulders too big to be less than
a hill heavy rock a motel {sigh}
a main street see the middle
school from here and a parts store nearly
the library and a grocery store below
in the midway
and a park with boulders taller
than 5 men where quail live
and deer play but no dogs are
allowed and they have swings
and a merry-go-round and it’s
almost summer the thrift
store will have summer clothes this
week and this is where the turkeys
go and they have teeter-totters
Fall.
What a funny word - fall.
As in tumbling towards cold?
As in slipping on a pavement?
As in stumbling in your cheer?
Fall.
Rainy days and melancholy.
Bittersweet moments are back to haunt the lightheaded mind.
Winter will be nicer; it won't be so... insecure.
Fall.
And yet a rise of new beginnings.
New friends, new experiences, new lives to discover.
It's never too dark, even after the bright heat has gone away.
Fall.
Which can be so bright. Or so very dark.
It all points to you -
Attachments bring disappointments
Always see who you are trusting
With your friendship
Giving them power to ruin you
With your love
Giving them power to destroy you
With your emotions
Givings them power to leave you scarred forever
With your secrets
Giving them power to overpower you
With your tears
Giving them power to hurt you
With your smile
Giving them power to make your day
With your dreams
Giving them power to break it anytime
People only show you what you want to see.
So I went ahead and showed all of me.
call me run through
call me a hoe
call me what you want,
because i know.
i know that i've made mistakes in partners,
and i've started things i couldn't finish,
excuse me, im here and i fall
i stumble at points,
so i've built up a wall.
walls that confine me to me and you.
and i've never been truly happier
here in these walls they've seen the best of me.
will there be a heaven or hell?
will my sight fade, my hearing stop
will I leave this Earth for good?
notice how all of these are questions,
and none of them are answers
but I suppose I will find out soon
everything I have ever known
will be gone
I will never see a sunset
never run in the dark with friends
or will i?
how does this all work?
how could I be nothing?
how could everything keep going?
all my life I have only seen the world through my own eyes
it feels like my own personal place
cars driving past my window at 3 am
the noise disturbing the white sheet spread across the suburbs
waking up the babies
causing second-lasting fear for the adults
teenagers weeping under their dirty bedsheets stop for a moment to listen
to the rumbles
what about the driver?
were they driving home from the night shift?
or was it so much more?
were they driving to a body beneath their feet?
were they bawling, just wanting to get to sleep?
each noise early mornings is like a ripple in the water
it cause so much
but is over in a matter of seconds
October leaves jostle in sedge.
Unleashed greyhound bolts.
Kittiwakes plunge aloof.
Morose sea fidgets.
The nerveless cliff
Will not ground your load.
Sometimes yes it is hard to deal
With things you have
Absolutely no control Over But
It will get over Nothing lasts forever
Nor us
Nor happiness
Nor pain
A big bully, hoping to change
a lifetime of regret.
Did things he never wanted to,
said things he never meant.
Every word would hurt.
Every action would bleed.
He may have tried to be kind,
but he'd still plant a bad seed.
That seed would grow and grow,
causing so much pain.
Useless, stupid, piece of crap,
here his name-calling would begin.
He did not understand what was wrong,
for used to it he was.
His jokes and insults, plain and true,
without a hint of remorse.