Pushed into a dark hole,
Unable to find my way out,
Farther down the hole I fall,
Not knowing when I'll stop,
Numbness fills my body,
Pain has overtaken me,
Unable to walk, travel, work,
Wishing I was unable to breathe,
I fall further down the hole,
My mood does likewise,
Seemingly hitting rock bottom,
Until I saw your face,
A light shines through,
A rope is thrown down,
As I climb to the top,
What I felt was lost has been found,
In the bright yet seemingly so dim evening lights, the crowded city's empty.
It is lonely here without you. And yet without you I wouldn't have noticed that.
Funny how the city oh-so crowded can be so hollow.
Empty.
Void.
Blank.
A white canvas.
(Opportunities?)
You overflow all that space with so much vivacity. So much life. And love and warmth and playfulness! So much of you takes over so very little of this.
And lack of you is a surprise.
It completely surpasses me that I'm just about to hit a lamppost, that I'll crash into people walking the opposite way.
But the realization of this absence causes me to lift my sight, making me aware, perceptive.
It's hard to realize, but it is needed.
they say slow and steady wind the race,
but i've never known slow.
and i've never known steady.
but i have had to race.
not listening to that one simple sentence saved my life.
Jumping into us saved me
Saved me from me.
what are you living for?
a question that i have heard too many times to count
how do i answer a question that has no answer
it's what i would have said if you had asked me just 4 months ago.
but just when i was ready to jump
ready to do something i couldn't undo,
i heard the most beautiful noise i had ever heard
her voice
as soon as her voice echoed in my ear
suddenly everything was clear.
it's all uphill from here.
the water weighed above my head
every second longing for the surface
the swig of a bottle
or the blade on a wrist
would be enough to breathe again
alas, even when I get to the surface
I float back down to the bottom
the tiles around me scream
and start the vicious cyle again
one day I shan't use the bottle nor blade
but instead wait
and I shall exit the water
and live on land
but every now and then it rains
reminding me of the pool
but I do not surrender to my vices
it's a wonderful thing
when you realise you aren't alone in this world
no matter how empty and depressed you feel
someone else has, or is going through it
sadness draws an invisible line
tying all the 3 am screamers together
when you all realise together that you are all going through the same thing
the most beautiful thing on this Earth happens
it may only last a second
or it may last an hour
but it stays with everyone involved for eternity
you all care for each other
you let the tears and smiles flow freely
because you know you won't be judged, as everyone else is doing the same
so when you feel like the world has shunned you away from everyone
just know that you are all shunned together
I didn’t write this poem to your overshirts & oversized tennis shoes,
Glinting masculine pride & promise.
I didn’t write this poem to admire your curved cheekbones,
Underlining eyes crowded with time, loss, & sleeplessness.
I didn’t write this poem to cause you to call me
And tell me in your DeNiro voice you want my company.
I didn’t write this poem to cause you to text me
Sweet half-threats of tender licentiousness.
I didn’t write this poem to ease your heartache,
Longing for another woman,
Yet another who got away.
I didn’t even write this as an ode to the most brazen creature
I know, a slight female with the
Scariest demeanor in three countries,
A keen eye out for every menace,
Including myself,
you tell her that she's beautiful
She laughs and asks you how,
When theres a crack on her front tooth,
And all short nails which she bit from getting nervous ,
And when she closes her eyes and laughs how her eyebrows become wavy,
In her slightly potatoish nose,
And you wonder where she learnt that beauty lies upon your skin and outer appearance so that she thinks it covers, everything she holds within,
But she let's her mirror and society estimate her worth, which breaks my heart
She doesn't know how many life's she made better just by smiling
By simply being on this earth
I didn't want to get over you
But I needed to
You were like a poison to my happiness
Everytime you lied, everytime you walked away
I used to think that if its you, then it's no fucking person
But indeed I was wrong, it wasnt you but it was me
I had to be myself
I had to stop trying to get something I know I won't achieve
I had to stop crying
So I did
Eating disorder
Binging on the crumbs of my
own insanity
Refrigerator
door is closed for now but I
peep in for comfort
Loneliness is my
best friend beside the
loaf of disappointed fear
Never thought that I
would make a career out of
Losing weight again
Remembering I
have a solution beyond
the thinness of my own soul
Picking up a bite
Be cruel to me,
I'll make my heart kind.
Make me fall again,
I'll get up to rise.
Take away my freedom,
I'll free my soul.
Set the evil traps,
I'll make myself bold.
Cut my wings,
I'll fly on my visions.
You think you're killing a bird
But I'm a raging Dragon
The days go past
And we don't speak;
We don't write;
We don't chat.
When I am at school,
You are at home.
But when we do talk,
It's just like the old days;
Like it always was.
We pick up where we left off.
Because time doesn't matter;
Distance doesn't matter,
When we're connected by hearts.
For that reason,
We'll always be best friends.