This Because: A Countless Accounting — Summary

I lean to you -- alien man, leanest in prerequisites --- I lean, cured of vicissitudes, lion, but unbeleaguered of lions, allured to visit, to align --- alone, no lion alone, living, lying alone pleading love, the non-transitive balance, the coupling substantive.

I lean: little hill of dreams to sleep within -- hydrant of hope to spring afresh.

I lean out of the lawn sky a shy cloud of gray age from the sea --- I lean toward excellence, into mirrors reflecting upon you, into mirages of thirst to be first at your mouth than waters then enheartened.

The doorknob turns: tomorrow is a weight-outdoorway time ---

I lean, I lean out of the roomless no roommate mold of breath, breathless of tapestried misery, to otherwide rooms windowfilled -- thrill my history windless soul.

I lean, now over the barbs of balustrades, of barricades of isolation, out of feverish autonomy --

don't don't lean away.

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The speaker keeps repeating one verb, "I lean," and that leaning is the heart of the poem. It is a reaching toward another person, addressed as "alien man," from a place of deep loneliness. The speaker describes living and lying "alone," wanting a love that is balanced, with neither side only giving or only taking. The imagery is playful and strange: the other person is a "little hill of dreams" to sleep within and a "hydrant of hope" that lets something spring up fresh. Sound plays a big part too, with lots of echoing l's and made-up compounds like "otherwide rooms windowfilled."

The mood shifts as it goes. At first it feels yearning and a little dreamy, then more urgent as the speaker pushes past "barricades of isolation" and "feverish autonomy," meaning a self-reliance that has turned into a trap. The ending is the bluntest moment: "don't / don't lean away." After all that elaborate language, it sounds like a plain, vulnerable plea.

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* * *

O bury me not in:in the little room, like a worm in a one-by-one padded & colorful, far from the madding birds --- O bury me not in long unrequited dreams O bury me not in the margins of identity, voiceless & meaningless