The speaker looks back on a childhood spent trying not to be seen. Addressing someone as "your child," they say they learned early what crying tastes like and which hours were safe for hiding. The answer, bitterly, was none of them. Yet no matter how invisible they tried to be, something about them stood out, and the poem suggests they were never sure why. Being "unique" and "a somebody" feels like a punishment rather than a gift.
So the speaker makes a plan: grow up and become ordinary. That means repeating the same words, wearing the same "dead smile," and letting the stares and glares blow away. The cost is clear. Blending in means giving up something living. The ending is quietly sad. The speaker hopes to feel "clean" enough to leave the shadows, as if being different were a stain. The mood is tense, wounded, and lonely, with a thin thread of hope that is hard to trust.