Narcissus — Summary

Balachandran VContemplative

Eyes closed, I lie on my back Following their arms mentally As the masseurs run their fingers Pressing, squeezing, rubbing in The warm oil all over me.

From the sole of my feet, up Through the ankles, calves, knees And thighs, passing deftly My privates and up to the torso My hairy, broad chest, shoulders And the nape of my neck.

The loincloth barely leaves me clothed. As the masseur's fingers and then the pouch Filled with medicinal leaves soaked in starchy fluid Spread warmth all over me, I wonder if I might get an erection; I don't.

Turning me over, the warm oil and then the slimy starch draw gluey patterns on my back. My buttocks, rather big, Now smooth, soft, rounded like melons. The masseur squeezes that lump, The inflammation still hot on my hips; I squirm and groan, in pain and pleasure.

Eyes closed, I lie on the wooden plank Like a slab of meat, fresh from the butcher. Eyes closed, I imagine myself Watching me from above.

This hunk of flesh that is me That has been me, that'll me For so many years! We have been together ever since The day I was born!

I love it; with all its shortcomings. I adore my penis, how so well I know him! Every strand of hair, every scar, every wrinkle - This living, breathing being that is me!

There is nothing hidden, no secrets between us; We took pleasure, pain we suffered together - That is me, this me, together till the last breath!

I look at myself with great kindness...

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A man lies face down and face up on a table while masseurs work warm oil and medicinal starch into his skin. The poem follows the massage part by part, from feet to neck, and the details are frank: the thin loincloth, his big buttocks, the sore swelling on his hip that makes him groan in both pain and pleasure. He half expects to be aroused, and he isn't, which keeps the scene bodily rather than sexual.

Then the speaker imagines watching himself from above, a "slab of meat" on a plank. Instead of disgust, this distance brings tenderness. He sees his body as a lifelong companion that has shared every pleasure and pain with him, scars and wrinkles included. The title, "Narcissus," suggests self-love, but here it feels gentler than vanity: it is acceptance. The mood is warm, relaxed and unembarrassed, and it ends quietly on "I look at myself with great kindness."

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