The Deathbed — Summary

Balachandran V16.05.2009, TrivandrumSad

I slept on it, dreamt, planned my life

Here is his name I scratched, in madness of love.

This stain you see is my blood

Shed, in hope that he would love me more.

I take leave, my bed, let others sleep on thee,

Give them the love and life you gave me

But tell them not, the secrets we shared.

Tell them, if you wish, that I once laid on you

But tell them not I lost myself on your posts.

I take leave, my bed, may thee be host

To lives worthy more than me - here, a toast to thee!

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The speaker talks to their own bed as if it were a faithful friend, and says goodbye to it. The bed has witnessed everything: the dreaming, the planning, and an obsessive love. A name is scratched into it "in madness of love," and a bloodstain remains from an act of self-harm, done in the hope of being loved more. The title suggests the speaker may be dying, though the poem never says so outright, so that reading is an inference.

What the speaker feels is a tangle of tenderness, regret and weary generosity. They ask the bed to keep their secrets, and to admit only that they once lay there, not that they "lost" themselves on its posts. They even wish the bed well with future sleepers, "worthy more than me." The closing toast is oddly gentle, almost cheerful. The mood is intimate and sad, with a quiet, bitter humor underneath, as if the speaker has made peace with a pain they never managed to share with anyone but the bed.

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