When I am no more — Summary

Balachandran VTrivandrum, 10.07.09Sad

Standing, as often I do, beneath my old mango tree, I wonder how it would look without the leaves. Without the mangoes, without the branches Without the birds that sit preening on them. The thick trunk sawed off, roots pulled out Tiles or cement choking the earth.

For one, sunlight would be brighter; and glare Upon the tiled roof of my house. No more yellowed leaves to sweep away in the morning. No more bird droppings to wash off No more bat-eaten, splattered mangoes. No more flies swarming around No more air, thick With the smell of the ripe, golden fruits. No more, the tapping of the woodpecker No more, the screeching kites. No more, the night heron resting No more, the crows squabbling No more, the squirrels scuttling.

No more, the wind-dance of the branches No more, the chatter of leaves. No more, the creaking swing No more, the green, greeting my eyes. No more, I, the boy who gazed up the tree, longing,with love.

I look around for a fallen twig - Last mangoes of the season dangle in the sky.

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The speaker stands under his old mango tree and tries to picture the place without it: no leaves, no branches, no birds, just a stump removed and the ground covered in tiles or cement. At first he almost seems relieved. There would be more sunlight, less sweeping, no bird droppings, no flies, no splattered fruit. But the list of annoyances quickly turns into a list of losses. The repeated "No more" starts to sound like a chant of mourning, as he names the woodpecker, the kites, the herons, the crows, the squirrels, the creaking swing, and the green that greets his eyes each day.

The last losses are the most personal. The speaker also imagines himself gone, the boy who once looked up at the tree with longing and love. The title suggests the poem is partly about his own death, and the tree becomes a way of thinking about it. The ending is quiet and gentle. He looks for a fallen twig, and the last mangoes still hang in the sky. The mood is tender, wistful, and thankful for what is still here.

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