The speaker has been hurt over and over by someone, and that same person now tells them to "smile." The poem is about how confusing and unfair that demand feels. The speaker describes the pain as something "drilled" into them, steadily and harshly, so being asked to smile afterward seems almost cruel. They admit they didn't know smiling was what you were supposed to do after being hurt so badly.
What stands out is the silence. The speaker can't say out loud how they feel, and the poem names the feelings plainly: pain, anger and sorrow. Instead, the tears they held back for months finally come. The last line, "My sad life is finally back," is a strange, bitter note. It suggests that crying feels like a return to something honest, even if it is painful.
The mood is raw and heavy, with a quiet sense of release at the end. It reads like someone who has been pretending to be fine and has stopped.