The speaker asks a question that sounds casual but isn't: have you ever missed someone in two different ways? One kind is missing a person who is already gone. The other is missing someone who is still around, yet out of reach, someone you can't do anything about. The speaker can't decide which hurts more.
What comes through is confusion and exhaustion. Rather than naming a cause, the speaker admits that the feeling of missing itself is "tearing me apart." The last line, "i was lost," is short and blunt, and the shift to past tense suggests the speaker may already have come through a moment of feeling completely adrift, or that the feeling has taken over entirely.
The mood is raw and quiet. The loose grammar, lowercase letters and missing punctuation make it feel like a private thought typed out in the middle of the night, honest rather than polished. The poem doesn't resolve anything, and that unfinished feeling is part of its ache.