The speaker returns after an absence, greeting the reader with a quiet "hello again" and admitting they don't fully know why they came back. The poem reads like a raw confession, and it deals with depression and self-hatred. The speaker feels like they are sinking and drowning, and they believe they bring misery to the people around them rather than happiness. Lines like "I'm horrid" and "I do not deserve to be clean" show how deeply they feel unworthy.
The most painful moment comes at the end: "I was supposed to be dead / But i survived." Survival here doesn't sound like relief. It sounds like confusion, even guilt. The title hints at a small act of letting go of something cheerful, though the poem never explains it. The mood is heavy, exhausted, and bare, with short, blunt lines that feel like someone struggling to say what they mean. If this feels close to your own experience, reaching out to someone you trust matters.