The speaker of this short poem is caught in a painful tangle of contradictions. They want to eat but don't. Self-harm feels tempting. They can't manage basic self-care, and the line "I should be happy" sounds less like a hope than like guilt, as if feeling this way is one more thing they're failing at.
The list of wishes gets darker as it goes. Losing weight is a common, almost ordinary-sounding goal, but it sits right next to losing friends, and then losing everything. The last line is the strangest and most revealing: the speaker wants to lose it all "so i can hold onto falling again." Falling here seems to mean a kind of free fall, a low point that at least feels familiar or real. The mood is bleak, exhausted and raw. The plain wording and lack of punctuation make it feel like an unfiltered thought, not a polished statement.
If these feelings are close to your own, talking to someone you trust or a local helpline can really help.