The speaker is caught between wanting to die and refusing to act on it. The poem moves in two matching steps: first the thought of ending their life, then the wish to vanish, and each time the same turn arrives with "but i wont." The repetition makes the thoughts feel stuck on a loop, as if the speaker has been through this cycle many times.
The ending gives the reason. Asked "and why?", the speaker answers that it is "all for him," because dying "would be unfair to him." Notice that the reason is not hope or a wish to live. It is a sense of duty toward another person. That suggests the speaker is holding on out of loyalty rather than any comfort of their own.
The mood is bare and exhausted. The lowercase, the plain wording and the short lines leave no decoration, so the pain feels blunt and close. If you or someone you know feels this way, talking to someone you trust or a crisis line can help.