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Dave Bonta
where are we come to
what high rough peak
having in my book a secret door to the night
I will fall up
I found a garden in my mind,
and good company.
I stayed there
till I was ill and vomited,
and in the morning got cold
and had pain in pissing.
Under the dimmed lights, shadowed faces.
Bow-tied waiters pad by silently.
From the blistering sun
Into dark, cold caves
Offering anonymity, security
Of a faceless existence.
The impassive courtesy
A flicker of familiarity
Assurance of a sanctuary -
How I love this place!
In the glass, the liquor
The clink of cubes
Frozen like my soul.
Fizz fizzling out
Like my dreams!
By oneself, in twosome or in groups
for entertainment
they placed you on a chain,
tight enough you could feel the metal with every breath.
pepper
shoved up your nose until it bled
when everything took too much effort.
iron pokers
ripped gaping wounds into your flesh
as your rumbling growl died down.
they reveled in the blood you spilled
while struggling to survive and
booed once the fight came to an end.
for entertainment
they baited you with cruelty and scorn
until the chain was all you'd known,
until escape was down the barrel of a shotgun.
Carve a new path,
the voice whispers.
Wander without a destination for eternity.
Change your name, looks, personality, likes and dislikes.
Become someone new and forget.
the voice gets stronger with each passing day;
it builds up and up,
fills my heart and bones like the
beat of a drum rattling the floor.
it sings to my soul with honeyed words
like the moonlight creeping through the window
Never come back to the same place twice,
the voice whispers.
Never be that girl again.
i terrify
myself
but there is no escape
There is no escape
From this place I named The Cage
But there’s help for once.
In the air-conditioned chill of the office
In the desktop picture of Mount Everest
In passwords like Ganga, Yamuna
Badri, Kailas or Manasarovar -
Leafing, surreptitiously, through the books on treks
To Himalayas and wilderness
Dreaming meandering through
Rhododendrons and snow bound paths-
I imagine the sips of water from my bottle
To be that of the streams in the mountains.
It is really so easy; all I have to do
Is to get up from my seat
Leave the complaining customer
Walk over to the window at the rear of the office
And look up at the skies…
they were filled to the brim
by the only good thing in their life
they then overflowed
creeping out windows in the dead
of the raging night
they breathed in the vapour relief
relapsing amongst the towering
trees
the corner of metal houses
were the closest thing to a hug
the sirens went around
posters crinkled in the wind
"have you seen this broken child?"
the screams still ring in their
pierced ears
now silenced by the peace
Sometimes I feel like giving up
Because there isn't anything left for me
But then
There is this one person
Who makes me feel better about myself
Who makes me smile even when I want to tear someone's head apart
But he doesn't know that
How much he makes me happy
Sometimes I want to run away
But I can't
how many days did I wast,
searching for a sweet escape. necessities of life bigger than the life itself,
when I asked for help,
they tell me to have faith.
I walked off with a disagreement,
I'm hearing voices,
but the voices are fake.
it took long
but now I understand
only thing that is yours,
is the yours you make.
Here I have come
to where?
A bar in the middle of nowhere, New York City
But it's Spanish and that's good.
And why?
Because it makes me feel
separated from obligations
and alone
in a lost town
on the west coast of vanquished Mexico.
The automatic easy emptyness
of the solved day
is gone there.
Gone with the hard binds of responsibility
A womans alcoholic joy
is used there.