i always think of you
late at night.
the stars are out
and i'm reminded of the
galaxy that once lived in your eyes.
the moon is bright
and i'm reminded
of your big eyes that held so much love.
the silence is deafening
and i'm reminded that
this is all you left behind when you went.
lay to rest
It is nearly a year since he died;
I have forgotten the date though.
Nearly twenty years senior to me
Though time isn't really a measure for anything.
Time hardly tells you the strength of the bond -
Why, one's siblings are very often the most distant.
Friendship takes seed - hardly does it need a moment
And it grows like Jack's beans, entwining the hearts into one.
He was a quiet person - a painter, photographer
He drew funny cartoons too, though
Looking at his tall, tired frame and wispy beard
You would take him for a philosopher.
In the early evenings, I would call on him-
Sitting on the verandah we would talk -
About murals and the passing of ways of life.
He would tell me about the old town
Blinded and stumbling,
Grabbing anything,
Dragging everything,
Onto the ground.
Laughter echoing,
Voices whispering,
Drowning out everything,
In this small town.
Broken and shattered,
Mind doing cartwheels,
A hand to hold onto,
Is nowhere to be found.
A sweet embrace,
My last mistake,
A comforting smile,
A deathly grip.
Shaking uncontrollably,
Trembling in fear.
I inflict another,
Blinded by tears.
Please stop giving,
Useless advice.
Reasons to create,
More scars to hide.
Shivering and crying,
Suddenly I stop.
The world goes blurry,
Paralysed with shock.
Family members,
Gathered around.
Someone's coffin,
Lowered into the ground.
Why?
Mother,
Whys is the grass green?
Why is the sky blue?
Why is the world big?
Why do people say its small too?
Why do people die?
Why are babies born young?
Why are there taste buds?
In my tongue?
Why do I weep?
When I cut my knee?
Why does one and one make two and not three?
And why, mummy,
Just one more,
When father left,
you poor thing
let me hold you as you cry
let me soothe you as you die
you infinitely awful
infinitely suffering
thing
Agitation climbs the rungs of my spine
My legs twisted in all angles
Knees and elbows bend over time
Dig my nails in the ground
As I mourn what was mine
Blood rushing my ears
As I don't make a sound
Dear sirs,
I have taken the veil,
and am looking for grief.
tears
tears
I need you to stop
to stop moving on
to stop reminding me of what I lost
to just stop moving further away
to stop drifting
to stop disappearing from my life
I just need you to stop
to stop leaving me
She said
I spoke to you…while
ailing and delirious, and I remember
what I was saying,
but can’t recall hearing
the sound of your voice, nor feeling
an air of your presence – at all, at
the time, except
for a part
of an unfinished sentence, on
an obscure page of a much-unused diary,
where you wrote
that the discovery
of your life
had been
that you were wrong…
I can't sleep anymore
The silence is suffocating me
And life moves on
Without me
Was Daisy that unimportant?
How are people still functioning?
Am I crazy?
They're acting as if nothing happened
And
Here
Am.
Just.
Broken. Like her bones.
nightmares plague my thoughts day and night
I wish I was the one killed instead of her
I wish she didn't stop breathing
How unfair is it
That I still feel the air and breathe it
And Daisy's body has long been cold as ice
Buried in the unforgiving ground
It's unfair
That I have the guts to walk
when she never will again