You were perfect and I was just practice,
You'd used me till you needed to upgrade...
You were a dog and I was just a chew toy,
You'd shake me till I would no longer squeak...
You were the love of my life and I was just a passenger in yours,
You'd pick me up and kick me off when you'd like...
No one will love you as much as I do,
No one will care for you as much as I do,
And last of all...
No one will put up with your shit as well as I
Do...
I lean back into by bed; my eyes tried and my heart beating shyly.
I think; what have I lost?
To not see his eyes again.
Never to gaze upon the glint of his smile,
Comparable only to the shine on diamonds.
To know, that instead of opening my eyes to his,
I will open them only to see my empty grey hands.
I feel stranded; sinking in a sea made of only land.
To lose so little as one man,
But to gain as much as a hundred soulless tears.
To know, as I lay about my sheets,
That I will never see him again, nor I he.
I cringe; my eyes starting to burn.
To know that he shall never be able to hear my words, nor my pleas,
No, these words of mine will be lost on the mouthless walls of my bedroom,
Stranger, Slave, Chosen
Walking into unknown territory
Stranger to my surrowndings
Unfimilliar with the landscape
People, people everywhere
Crowding the city, lacking connection to me
People, people strange to me
Ignoring me, ignoring me
But one has noticed me
Has chosen me
Of all the people
People, the one walks up to me
And talks to me and falls for me
People, people crushing us,
Forcing us to each other
We play the same
Until I love I will
After love I won't
Finally
Until I cry I will
After I cry I won't
Finally
Until I'm angry I will
After anger I won't
Finally
Until I die I will
After death I won't
Finally
What is that spark?
Bumpy like a gravel road,
But why is it, my love?
Speak to me please,
I am begging.
I just want to know the worth.
Trying to see through cloudy waters,
But somehow seeing mist.
Help me see it.
I am begging.
We were there one moment
Happy and in love
And the next
We weren’t us anymore
We still talked and laughed
We still joked around
Talked about stupid things
But we weren’t us
We were still so madly in love with each other
But we weren’t us
Distance has a way of taking something so beautiful and turning it so ugly
It can take a fresh rose and wither it in front of your eyes
Uncertainty can take a sunny day and turn it into a thunderstorm
They go together like sisters
One never without the other
You try to numb yourself to it
Let me tell you a story
About a boy and girl
Madly in love and happy as could be
Or at least that's what it seemed
Or did it?
All of their friends and family new that a storm was coming
The arguing, the fighting, the torment
It was only a matter of time
Everyone knew what was about to happen
Except the girl
Clueless and in love
She waited for him to come home
To kiss him lovingly and tell him how she had missed him
But he never showed
2 AM and she hadn't heard from him
She began to panic and lose control
My mind is a forest fire
What I mean is
Everything is burning and dying
It is too much for me to handle and yet
He can put it out like it's a candle in the wind
My mind is a hurricane
What I mean is
It is chaos
It is my own mind rebelling against itself
It causes destruction and leaves nothing in it's wake
He is the eye of the storm
He is the calm in the midst of tornados and fear
My mind is a haunted carnival
What I mean is
A place that once seemed fun, a place that used to bring joy
Is a wasteland of memories and ghosts of the past
The way her hair fell around her shoulders, like a peaceful waterfall
The way her eyes glimmered in the moonlight as our faces grew closer and closer
The way her lips felt like velvet and tasted like candy
The way the knot in my stomach grew after she told me she loved me
The way my heart stopped beating for a moment, only to restart faster
The way I longed to be her everything
The way I woke up from this beautiful dream
The way I looked at my empty bed, with my eyes full of tears
The way I remember hearing my father say "That's unnatural!" when he saw two females kissing on TV
The way I felt the knot in my stomach sink and make me feel sick
The way the guilt took over my mind
You once told me you were too young
I pushed anyway
You caved
You left
Today he told me he was too young and I realized something
It's not age that means you're too young
It's because you think you'll change your mind
It's because you don't think I'm all you'll ever want and more
It's because deep down
You know
I'm not the one made for you
And I don't blame you for leaving
I don't, really
You were just too young
At first its little things, like taking longer to eat or shower
Then you notice that his commute home is taking 20 more minutes than it used to
He’s calling you later and later
He’s staying away from you longer and longer
And when you do talk, you don’t really talk
You just sit there in awkward silences
It used to be that if you even acted slightly different he knew and asked you what was wrong
He didn’t let you get away with “Nothing” or “It doesn’t matter”
But, now
If you’re lucky enough that he does ask, he doesn’t seem interested
He seems distant and bored
He says it’s just the stress wearing him down, but you always used to be the thing that helped him through the stress