Bits of white suspended in solution
swirled past the window after every upheaval.
I found a pencil with a blessing on the side
& decided to start a list
of everywhere I’d been.
I filled three notebooks just with the hiding places
in my parents’ house. At this rate, I realized,
the pencil would be gone
before I made it halfway to the street.
Under my hat my hair continued to grow.
The pilot light burned like an insomniac
in the back of the oven.
As I sit by the fireside,
I remember the times, the good and the bad.
Those many years ago,
When we meant something to each other.
I'm probably knitting a woollen sweater,
Or perhaps watching a mother cat lick her younglings.
And somehow, everything reminds me of you.
Because I just can't get over you,
Though I have moved on, it is not the same.
And now I have children,
Who have children.
And I can't help think of everything that we almost had.
Together.
Almost.
I take a left,
And another,
I head straight,
And then a right,
A dead end staring back at me,
I try to retrace my steps,
Uncertain of where I’m going,
Uncertain of where I am,
I turn around,
And see open space,
Trying to recall my previous steps,
But my memory seems distant,
Hesitation then tossed to the side,
As I march forth with reckless abandon,
A look of determination fills my eyes,
Uncertain of the beginning or end,
Strangely familiar,
Yet uncertain,
I’ve been here before,
Or so it seems,
Surreal in setting,
In feeling,
In this real?
Or am I dreaming?
Time appears frozen,
Stuck in the present,
All around me is still,
The past and future non-existent,
Impressionistic from a distance,
Realistic up close,
Rubbing my eyes,
To see more clearly,
You don’t know-
But I am still around.
Whirl around – but
You wouldn’t see me- yet.
Walk on, in blinding light
Or in comforting dark –
But – listen! My footfalls
Crushing the fallen leaves.
You don’t feel-
But smell – the breeze
The flowers carrying
My sweat pungent.
Sing on, gay, heart light
Let hair swirl over your face
But - listen! My voice
Rising over the winds.
Do not leave, my friend, do not
Leave me with just a glance.
Do not just caress me and leave
Do not just pick me up and smell
My fragrance and throw me back in the basket.
I have been plucked, tenderly
With care not to smudge or crush
My lovely petals even now damp with dew
I wait for thee to hold me to your chest
And take in deep all I have to offer
Look, look at my colour, my grace and beauty
Smell me deep, my sweet scent!
Let me adorn your beloved's head
Or soothe her eyes, still, in the pot.
Let me remind her of you, of your love
For all thats worth in the world is just love.
So, what if I'm not over you?
It's Midnight and I'm thinking of you.
I wish I could sleep
Stop pounding my head with our memories.
Just shut up,
And let me sleep.
It's 12:04am and I'm trying my best to sleep
All I can think about are memories we haven't created yet
Memories waiting to be planted and blossom
I'm thinking about you
If your hair is long...blonde maybe
Maybe you have green eyes that sparkle like a gem
I wonder what my name sounds like coming from your lips
And if you'll finally be the one for me.
We were best friends.
It's sad I have to talk about us in the pass tense now.
Was it so
An old movie
I don't know
Was he the Hero
Was I the heroine
Was it so
An old movie
I don't know
Was there any cuts any takes
Was there any flied of sunflowers
Was it so
An old movie
I don't know
May be it was
Drops of water,
Flowing seas.
Those who weep,
The happy.
A flickering match,
Burning countries.
Sorrows and worries,
So carefree.
Loving a memory,
So full of detest.
Holding a flower,
So lifeless.
A plate of food,
Empty stomach.
A helping hand,
For trouble.