There! I have lit a star
Beside your name!
I scroll down my Inbox
Where stars twinkle next to you
Every time, every time you wrote to me!
Every little message, every little word
You wrote
Is a thought – of me!
In this dark and silent night
I read you, over and over
And you light up, once again
My room, my lonely heart!
I wish I could make a garland
Of all the stars one day.
I will keep it ready
For the day you’ll come –
Born into this world,
All alone,
Tears streaming down my face,
Knowing no one,
Illness isolates me,
Abuse holds me in tatters,
Shyness makes it all the more difficult,
Alone I feel at home, at church, in class,
Fearful of talking to women,
Fearful of rejection,
Fearful of opening up to others,
Alone I am in the end,
When I awake in the morning,
Go to sleep at night,
I hear the crickets chirp,
Not another soul in sight,
We had a lot of fun
At our own expense
I look at those pictures
And watch that video
And now I'm wondering
What part made sense
I dressed up cute
Or as I thought
But when I saw those photos
My mind was wrapped
And I wished I looked
Like anyone else
We sang karaoke
For the first time ever
But I can't actually sing
And I didn't know how to stand
Who even cares that we didn't light up the candles;
Who even cares that we're not dining together;
Who even cares about a small picture in the corner and on it,
a pair of bright eyes looking at us?
Who even cares 'bout the unanswered 'Goodbyes';
Who even cares about the unheard 'By your sides';
Who even cares about the shattering sound in each day and of no sign of a worry once it may end?
Who even cares that all this only drifts anchored ships apart;
Who even cares that it sets the sun faster and faster towards each night?
No one cares that it brings a small heart to the verge of capacity and disables its might.
In the bright yet seemingly so dim evening lights, the crowded city's empty.
It is lonely here without you. And yet without you I wouldn't have noticed that.
Funny how the city oh-so crowded can be so hollow.
Empty.
Void.
Blank.
A white canvas.
(Opportunities?)
You overflow all that space with so much vivacity. So much life. And love and warmth and playfulness! So much of you takes over so very little of this.
And lack of you is a surprise.
It completely surpasses me that I'm just about to hit a lamppost, that I'll crash into people walking the opposite way.
But the realization of this absence causes me to lift my sight, making me aware, perceptive.
It's hard to realize, but it is needed.
i was pulled away from you
left as a ghost desperately grasping onto what was left of my existence
the earth slowly floated away
but I shall stay holding you
for neither life nor death could ever make me forget
the nights spent kissing stars
watching as you quickly forget
no longer saving my memory
I fade away
because I was only you
with you I am nothingness
I do not exist
but I am still here
for as long as I have you
I will never go away
I could never leave you
it's a wonderful thing
when you realise you aren't alone in this world
no matter how empty and depressed you feel
someone else has, or is going through it
sadness draws an invisible line
tying all the 3 am screamers together
when you all realise together that you are all going through the same thing
the most beautiful thing on this Earth happens
it may only last a second
or it may last an hour
but it stays with everyone involved for eternity
you all care for each other
you let the tears and smiles flow freely
because you know you won't be judged, as everyone else is doing the same
so when you feel like the world has shunned you away from everyone
just know that you are all shunned together
cars driving past my window at 3 am
the noise disturbing the white sheet spread across the suburbs
waking up the babies
causing second-lasting fear for the adults
teenagers weeping under their dirty bedsheets stop for a moment to listen
to the rumbles
what about the driver?
were they driving home from the night shift?
or was it so much more?
were they driving to a body beneath their feet?
were they bawling, just wanting to get to sleep?
each noise early mornings is like a ripple in the water
it cause so much
but is over in a matter of seconds
one foot after the other
feeling the dreams that fall under my feet
my heart and brain in your hands
feeling the city envelope my everything
the lights and noises filling my cracks
lifting me up
throwing my dreams into the clouds
cart-wheeling through the pain
screaming through the happiness
giving you the world
and wanting nothing in return
that is of desperation
to be loved
to love someone
the light that falls on my skin
it only stays because you allow it
Even though sometimes,
while we sleep,
Car tires sizzle over wet streets
And the rain washes the day away from the pavements,
The heart still wants to be an amnesiac.
I strain at the cords
by which you’ve bound me.
Bodily I am yours.
You want more.
You want the great blooming
welts to point the way to a love that claims all.
With coffeehot soothing hands
you take as much as you can
and give me everything I need.
You give me your darkness, your darkest,
mysteriously proud I can take it
and transform it into starbursts.
How can this miracle be?
In place of a gnawing blankness
there is now the wriggling of joyous worms entwined.
View is free of early birds and full of nightbloomed flowers;
Everytime I put the lights off
I don't know how the darkness gets to me, it's just comes naturally like how the earth revolves around the sun.
I think of the things that happened to me during the day,
sometimes absolutely nothing happens,
sometimes I'm dissed by my own people,
Sometimes I'm treated like I'm non-exsistent
And then
There is this 10% of times where something actually good happens .