Darkness; night has fallen.
In the distance, thunder rolls.
It is louder now; light flashes in the sky.
Rain pours.
I cannot hear anything but
The scream of the wind
And the screeching of the
Lashing rains.
The thunder is louder now.
I am afraid.
Lights have gone
In my master’s home.
I am alone in my cage.
I cannot hear anything
But the thunder; I am afraid.
I have to get out of my cage
When was the last time
My privates pricked, playfully
By the teasing raindrops
Splattered by the wind?
When was the last time
I stood in the rain, nude?
As a child? No, mother would have
Frisked me away and gave
A slap on my bottom too!
Once I stripped on a beach
Blushing at my lesser size
Than that of the tourist by my side.
Played, all dangling,
Jumping and rolling,
Bewildering unfamiliar freedom.
It wasn’t raining then, though.
In the night, listening to the sounds
Of rain drumming on the tin roof,
To the crashing cymbals
Of dried branches of the Mango tree falling,
To the shattering boom of coconut
Dropping like a cannon ball -
And the wail of the wind
And the croak of the frogs –
The patter of rain on the cemented courtyard
And to the sour, sullen silences of the night -
Looking, mind empty of thoughts, looking
At the seeping water dripping
Through the cracked tiles on the roof
And running down the wall -
At the puddle growing, moving
Slowly like a serpent across the floor -
Today, aged forty-eight and few months,
I gained the right to drive a car.
A bit odd, it was, to stand amidst youth,
Grey haired, bald and a paunch to boot.
Like a baby taking its first steps,
I drove an H, snug, between iron rods.
Forward in first, backward in reverse,
Turn a right and then a left, do it twice for an H.
In the clutch, I sense the release
In the throttle, the urge to move.
Braking when enough, shifting,
Gears to change my pace.
Aged middle, I drove on the left
Steering myself steadily.
Off the middle, slightly to left
I drove as I have, all my life.
When I awake in the morning,
Whether the skies be clear or clouded,
A smile comes across my face,
As I hope to be a ray of sunshine to others,
Helping an elderly woman with groceries,
A blind man reach his destination,
A friend in need,
A child find his parents,
Never expecting the kind gestures,
Speech minimal in response,
Uncertain of what to do,
The lone word emanating from their mouths is thanks,
Not expecting anything in return,
I still cling to hope,
That another voluntarily does similar for me,
Reaching out without my asking,
Fall.
What a funny word - fall.
As in tumbling towards cold?
As in slipping on a pavement?
As in stumbling in your cheer?
Fall.
Rainy days and melancholy.
Bittersweet moments are back to haunt the lightheaded mind.
Winter will be nicer; it won't be so... insecure.
Fall.
And yet a rise of new beginnings.
New friends, new experiences, new lives to discover.
It's never too dark, even after the bright heat has gone away.
Fall.
Which can be so bright. Or so very dark.
It all points to you -
the water weighed above my head
every second longing for the surface
the swig of a bottle
or the blade on a wrist
would be enough to breathe again
alas, even when I get to the surface
I float back down to the bottom
the tiles around me scream
and start the vicious cyle again
one day I shan't use the bottle nor blade
but instead wait
and I shall exit the water
and live on land
but every now and then it rains
reminding me of the pool
but I do not surrender to my vices
This isn't at all what I had planned
I just meant for it to be a small thing
I never wanted it to be this bad
The winds have gone from a gentle breeze to a thrashing gale
The rain has opened and is pelting the ground
Nothing ever goes to plan around here
It's always best to believe the worst
No luck will be found here
Just a confused expression sitting upon the ledge
I thought I had everything under control
I though all the cards would play out right
But this isn't what I have planned
I can't imagine life without it though
Even though sometimes,
while we sleep,
Car tires sizzle over wet streets
And the rain washes the day away from the pavements,
The heart still wants to be an amnesiac.
If one of the things you believe in
Is that this world's an ugly place
You must have never gone
Outside at night
And stared up into space
You haven't felt the way the air changes
In the minutes before it rains
Or watched the world pass by below
Out of the window plane
You've never been awake so early
That you see the moment the sun starts to rise
And you've never laid with your back on the sky
But maybe if you've done all this
But still don't believe its not true
It's because you can't see all the beauty
That I see when I look at you
Whenever I miss you,
It always rains..
Perhaps to help me,
Hide my pain..
Just like you used to,
Pat my back..
Telling me I did ok,
Even if I failed..
It's getting hard,
I want to come back..
I met many people,
But no one like you Dad..
I'm walking down the street
Heading to a far away area
Trying to relieve the pain
My tears mixed with the rain
You can't heal something when
You haven't cleansed it fully out.
I felt cleaned and refreshed.
I kept walking down the street
And I didn't give in to the pain.