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Edgar Lee Masters
When my moustache curled,
And my hair was black,
And I wore tight trousers
And a diamond stud,
I was an excellent knave of hearts and took many a trick.
But when the gray hairs began to appear—
Lo! a new generation of girls
Laughed at me, not fearing me,
And I had no more exciting adventures
Wherein I was all but shot for a heartless devil,
But only drabby affairs, warmed-over affairs
Of other days and other men.
And time went on until I lived at
Mayer’s restaurant,
Partaking of short-orders, a gray, untidy,
Toothless, discarded, rural Don Juan. . . .
Before me lies a mass of shapeless days,
Unseparated atoms, and I must
Sort them apart and live them. Sifted dust
Covers the formless heap. Reprieves, delays,
There are none, ever. As a monk who prays
The sliding beads asunder, so I thrust
Each tasteless particle aside, and just
Begin again the task which never stays.
And I have known a glory of great suns,
When days flashed by, pulsing with joy and fire!
Drunk bubbled wine in goblets of desire,
And felt the whipped blood laughing as it runs!
Spilt is that liquor, my too hasty hand
Threw down the cup, and did not understand.
Like the ghost of a dear friend dead
Is Time long past.
A tone which is now forever fled,
A hope which is now forever past,
A love so sweet it could not last,
Was Time long past.
There were sweet dreams in the night
Of Time long past:
And, was it sadness or delight,
Each day a shadow onward cast
Which made us wish it yet might last--
That Time long past.
There is regret, almost remorse,
For Time long past.
'Tis like a child's beloved corse
A father watches, till at last
love for company’s sake
love in the cakehouse
carried them away to where Monday is
a little rope of life
that most forget they are getting
till it is too late for any plea
Went long.
Still missed
the catch — or rather,
the ball. Caught
nothing.
Didn’t have
to throw it back.
But carrying
it around
was a strain.
My arms still ache
from all that lack.
I am a society
of worn instruments,
a should-have-been,
a rogue fleet gone
into ink.
"I don't want 'us' anymore"
it all changed
"I don't feel the same as I did before"
I do
"I was wrong"
again and again
"I want you back"
As I sit by the fireside,
I remember the times, the good and the bad.
Those many years ago,
When we meant something to each other.
I'm probably knitting a woollen sweater,
Or perhaps watching a mother cat lick her younglings.
And somehow, everything reminds me of you.
Because I just can't get over you,
Though I have moved on, it is not the same.
And now I have children,
Who have children.
And I can't help think of everything that we almost had.
Together.
Almost.
When I awaken,
I look next to me,
Uncertain of who you are,
I begin to shudder,
The surrounding room unrecognizable,
Not cognizant of how I arrived,
My memory lacking all the details,
Not fully knowing what happened last night,
Worries run rampant,
As I try to sneak out,
Hoping I used protection,
Yet feeling much doubt,
Out the door I walk,
Hopeful it’s nothing but a thing of the past,
Praying you don’t call,
That I never bump into you again,
Isn’t it a pleasure
To offer succor?
Oh yes, we are so genuine,
Touched to the heart
Feeling, we say, the same pain and sorrow
Though sometimes I wonder if we really do.
Be it death or a lesser misfortune
We condole, condemn the flippancy of fate
That dealt our kith or kin this cruelest blow.
Yet, I wonder, is it regret or relief
That predominates our minds
Regret for them and secretly, guiltily,
Relief that we have been spared for now?
My friend says – ‘Take it easy! Be cool!
Heavens won’t come falling down!’
I take a deep breath; try to loosen my facial muscles
Please! Do not offer
No word of comfort
No solace-
Nothing.
Regret is a silent, deep pool
Still waters, dead calm
Dark and desolate
Black, cold marble where I lie prostrate.
Bubbles break, slowly
Between sighs
Between every heave of the lungs
Slowing down.
Discarded, I lie
Like a frog squashed on a highway.
Dissected, the heart
Still throbs, beating for a life already left.
i thanked you for helping me
i thanked you for staying with me
i thanked you for caring when nobody else did
but i never apologised for leaving you