The question proposed,
Tests conducted,
Application filled,
Interview given,
Hypotheticals abound,
Preparing for the best and worst,
Cautiously confident,
Yet doubts persist,
The phone sits beside me,
My eyes focused on it,
As I nibble on my nails,
Rock on my chair,
The minutes become hours,
Hours become days,
Thoughts racing upstairs,
Being unable to sleep,
So distant a memory,
The images are blurred,
Events discontinuous,
Details forgotten,
Time has lapsed in such great quantity,
It shall be like a first once again,
Quivering at the very thought,
Yet desirous for it to happen,
To feel her lips upon mine,
Feel her warm breath,
Wake up to her smile,
Feel my heart pound in her presence,
To trust her with my thoughts,
Trust her with my secrets,
Trust her with my heart,
Trust her with my feelings,
He does the things,
I think about..
I'm quite shy,
He is quite loud..
He is so far..
Yet so close,
I'm catching sleep,
Just to dream more..
So, what if..
We haven't met,
The heavens assured,
They are fixing a date.
One minute I laugh,
Another I cry..
I'm changing colours,
Like a disco light..
I'm not right,
I'm all wrong..
But I've been hurt,
So I'm singing this song..
You don't know me,
You will never find,
No chords attached,
That's how I like it.
I'm a fairy, with no wings
I'm flying in my sleep
You think I'm crazy,
You are thinking alright.
Twigs are what I call them
Wrapping me in embrace
My cell grows flowers
My cell grows fur
Green flowers for me
Green fur by the sea
And almost everywhere am I blue
Top to bottom
I'll never wake up
Coma but a light sleeper
They call me mother
And treat me like the dogs they
Themselves
Bark at.
Every night she lies awake
Blaming insomnia.
But it's her troubled heart
That keeps her restless.
Wondering if she will ever
Find peace.
I want to stop waking up early everyday
I want to sleep forever
I want to forget
I don't want to suffer anymore
I want to sleep
My thoughts however...
Why can't they stop?
Why do they keep repeating?
Why do I have to remember?
In the end I'm still awake,
Begging them to cease.
away falling forever
inky curtain of non-existent thread
from invisible webs stars glistening
and of frosted sweat long bedsheet clouds
(sweet sweat
of early morning struggles)
these hang over tree tops
sleeping women
sleeping men
empty beer bottles
distant roads
the night a woman
beautiful & black
like sea gulls
her hair
across my faces glides silently
The first word is, of course
To Eat - manger, or The Manger, masticate and nourish, devour,
rob-from-the-landscape, transform, sharpen the gums,
or the teeth, fill the hole with parts of the world,
stuff the anger, engender energy, manipulate fleshy
objects, drain, suck, take away some of mum, milk is
to eat what water is to bleed---mmmmmmm
The second word is
To sleep - Dormir, dormant, schlep, do-do, dip into silence,
drown the brain, empty the wrists, multiply, rock
in God, to fade away, to say goodbye world, to be
smashed by space, ground under the wing of mercury,
find Cinderella's shoe, to sleep is to stilskin, to threeblind
-mice, to sleep is to do the no-no
The third word is
wake me
before you see the last of me
I can't eat
I can't sleep
when I'm just thinking
about how you hurt me