I hate you,
The words haunting me again
I know i'd go back to you
I hate you,
The scars that's still left
I know i'd go back to you
I hate you,
Pictures of sands i walk through
I know i'd go back to you
I hate you,
Whenever i sing, its like i can hear you
I know i'd go back to you
I hate you,
Im here at the tears of ocean deep
I know i'd go back to you
I hate you,
Water fills my eyes,
As I know it’s not to be,
That I can do better,
That this is best for me,
Your flaws spring to mind,
Of what I didn’t care for,
Distorting my image of you,
Denying my true feelings,
The self-persuasion fails,
As tears begin to run down my cheeks,
Knowing it’s best to part ways,
Yet wishing that wasn’t to be,
The distorted image unravels,
As I dream of you at night,
Good memories abound,
As I again begin to cry,
After so many attempts I still don't feel okay
After so many heartbreaks I still try to piece myself back together.
After so many tears I still pull myself up
After so many days of living in such an exhausting life you just want to disappear.
But you can't.
After I met you, I wanted to try
After I tried I still couldn't be okay
So I tell myself you got this.
I tell myself, pick yourself back up.
Yet my body just lies there.
After 16 years I'm finally done.
Finally done wishing for more from my life.
Finally done saying, after this we'll be okay
After 16 years you've won.
You've broke my spirit universe.
Im fine.
Im okay.
That's what i say through the tears that are obviously streaming down my face.
And i try,
I promise i try so hard to make them stop.
But for some reason most of the time im just not strong enough.
I feel like the most useless waste of air,
All i do is drown in my sorrow,
more like wish i could drown.
Or evaporate.
When someone used to ask me what my dream superpower was i would say the ability to read minds.
But now if someone asked me that i would simply say,
the ability to evaporate.
To not feel anything for any amount of time at all.
When your heart is broken
Tears taste like soap
When you cry for people
They taste like the sea
And self-inflicted losses
Like nose bleeds
But when it's all three
You're dead.
That was it.
The end had come.
The time to depart drew near.
As she sits on the couch
Waiting
Watching
Not knowing what to think.
Then he pulled up.
Like a fairytale gone wrong.
The story of a couple so strong
Lost forever in a memory
He walks up to the door.
She opens it up.
Standing there trying not to cry.
The day she feared was here.
As the door opened she ran to him.
Geranium blouse blossoms
under sodium glow.
Mascara smile masks
her feelings, her tears
transparent as rain.
Sidewalk puddles frown
as neon rainbows kiss
her stiletto shoes.
She paces the track,
marking the boundaries of
consent, on slender tanned
stems turning to watch
headlights beam like a
flower following the sun.
Del Cascar, Del Cascar
Stood upon a flaming star,
Stood and let his feet hang down
Till in China the toes turned brown.
And he reached his fingers over
The rim of the sea, like sails from Dover,
And caught a Mandarin at prayer,
And tickled his nose in Orion’s hair.
The sun went down through crimson bars,
And left his blind face battered with stars--
But the brown toes in China kept
Hot the tears Del Cascar wept.
I'll say and maybe dream I have drawn content--
Seeing that time has frozen up the blood,
The wick of youth being burned and the oil spent--
From beauty that is cast out of a mould
In bronze, or that in dazzling marble appears,
Appears, and when we have gone is gone again,
Being more indifferent to our solitude
Than 'twere an apparition. O heart, we are old,
The living beauty is for younger men,
We cannot pay its tribute of wild tears.
Hope went by and Peace went by
And would not enter in;
Youth went by and Health went by
And Love that is their kin.
Those within the house shed tears
On their bitter bread;
Some were old and some were mad,
And some were sick a-bed.
Gray Death saw the wretched house
And even he passed by--
"They have never lived," he said,
"They can wait to die."
We stood in the shrill electric light,
Dumb and sick in the whirling din
We who had all of love to say
And a single second to say it in.
"Good-by!" "Good-by!"--you turned to go,
I felt the train's slow heavy start,
You thought to see me cry, but oh
My tears were hidden in my heart.
The sky hangs heavy tonight
Like the hair of a Negro woman.
The scars of the moon are curved
Like the wrinkles on the brow of a Negro woman.
The stars twinkle tonight
Like the glaze in a Negro woman’s eyes,
Drinking the tears set flowing by an aging hurt
Gnawing at her heart.
The earth trembles tonight
Like the quiver of a Negro woman’s eye-lids cupping tears.