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To a Hospital Thermometer
Little, shining, piece of glass,
Here you come plumb full of "sass"!
Chuck'ling, chort'ling, grinning, smug,
Where'd you get your license, lug?
Safe beneath the nurse's thumb
Who can speak his thoughts — by gum!
When she slides you 'neath your tongue?
"Settle down old boy, you're stung!"
Don't you ever get enough
Of that sleuth, detective stuff?
What you huntin' in my mouth?
Think I'm balmy? Goin' South?
I may fail to grade "elect"
But I keep my self-respect,
While you steep in alcohol
Winter, summer, springtime, fall!