To a Hospital Thermometer

Little, shining, piece of glass, Here you come plumb full of "sass"! Chuck'ling, chort'ling, grinning, smug, Where'd you get your license, lug?

Safe beneath the nurse's thumb Who can speak his thoughts — by gum! When she slides you 'neath your tongue? "Settle down old boy, you're stung!"

Don't you ever get enough Of that sleuth, detective stuff? What you huntin' in my mouth? Think I'm balmy? Goin' South?

I may fail to grade "elect" But I keep my self-respect, While you steep in alcohol Winter, summer, springtime, fall!