No longer have I settled down on my seat
The wailing would ensue.
Some would be urgent, short and rapid
Some long-drawn, slow, as if it knows
It wouldn’t make any difference anymore.
In the beginning, I used to get up
And look out through the window.
The white vehicles with the mirror image
Of AMBULANCE would flash past
Offering me glimpses
Of faces dark with misery.
There were then other kinds;
Cars, with lights blazing, horn blaring
Squeezing out, weaving through the oncoming rush.
Three-wheeled autorickshaws offered the best view.
There would invariably be one, head leaning on
My bathroom is a secure place
With a little window to the world.
A two-way window, to look out
And to look within.
Water runs, chuckling,
Washing away dirt; sins too.
The resident spider sprints
With a cockroach in its mouth.
A gecko peers, scrambling
As I sprinkle a little water at him.
A stage
To enact my fantasies
To practice a speech
To sing a song
To talk to my love
Or imagine making love.
Where you live, be it
By the side of the sea,
Or atop a mountain peak-
Both, though a fantasy
For most of us -
Where you live, be it
Cocooned in a cramped
Quarters or be it
a claustrophobic
One bhk -
Or like me
In an old crumbling
Dwelling about to fall apart-
Wherever be that you live
Or rot-
It would be good
Did you fall asleep?
Sitting up alone
Staring at the ceiling
Soft music wafting
Moonlight sifting–
And thinking, of me?
How I would like
To stand just outside your window
To watch your dress
Fluttering in the gentle breeze!
How I would love
To see your soft curls, mischievous,
Trying to hide your face from me!
I know, they love to tease me!
Did you fall asleep
Thinking of me?
To define is to confine
To define is to be finite
To finally shut the windows
To firmly shut others out.
To define is not to look at the sky
To define is to end the quest
To define would be
To defeat yourselves
To rob yourselves of the infinity that was promised...
Silence the ringing! quieter! quieter! I can't hear myself!
It's squeezing and clutching! Tugging and hurting!
I can't breathe, I-I can't. Breathe!
the reaper is waiting,
intently staring,
relishing.
Yet, I linger.
the enemy, do you see it? Right there!
can you see it? I gotta escape
the toxicity, it's infesting my mind,
I'm not okay.
crimson creeping up,
sweat dripping down,
I'm quivering,
I'm perishing,
Stuttering, "why is the bed shaking so wildly??"
i feel my body covered with dust
you celler my odor of wetness
dragging down wooden steps
my dirty windows
i hear my tomorrow
coming back
to look on
while i stand
to go underground
myself
a hidden floor to lie on
In the room farther away
than a window
I am alone
taken of myself
cross-steps
reach the other
side is all I must
and I am alone
to dissolve rocks under
my naked eyes
cornered aslant
this wall huge with sleep
feeds on dark air
and I am alone
how still the mouth
of desire
Dawn spills out of
slate sky. But It's a dawn of moldy words, old
fingers: colors of knives and concrete.
My skin waits
for an orangejuice sun, to be struck alive by
different weather.
Still the room drowns. He said, Baby you'd better
choose now.
Beating, beating. Under the mountain of grey
sheets, no answer.
Verbs of dust
hurt my eye. But I don't see how to
go with him.
Or how to stay in these walls I can't live in
where everything
falls with the frostbrown apples, where an
There I go again
Staring at the endless black sky,
Hoping my tears will go away.
The chill from the open window
Enters inside,
Reminding me of
The far away.
Oh how I wish
I could be there,
Far away from where I am.
The rain is slowly pouring,
Peeking inside from the
Small gap between the windows.
It caresses my face,
Almost asking for help.
I look at the cars
The curtains
That cover those windows
Of yours
Won't protect you
From society
The only thing
That will
Is you
Now close the windows and hush all the fields;
If the trees must, let them silently toss;
No bird is singing now, and if there is,
Be it my loss.
It will be long ere the marshes resume,
It will be long ere the earliest bird:
So close the windows and not hear the wind,
But see all wind-stirred.