I've never started off
With the correct foot.
Who would've known a cough
Would make it all the worse?
Who knew this virus would put
Us in this precarious situation?
But I've brought ruination
To a love. I'm a curse.
I don't know exactly what
Happened to cause this distance
Between you and I, but
I know at every instance
Of your words and your face,
Make me an emotional disgrace.
If things shall go no farther,
Tell me, I think I deserve that much.
I say i don't want you there
When i really, really do
I say i don't care
When i deeply care for you
Now i believe the lies
I am unsure of the truth
I know that all of these thoughts
Of you will define my youth
It's only when your not around that i feel the ache
It's when you go to leave
That my heart begins to break
One day,
Your going to miss the little
The text messages I give you
Your going to miss how I used to worry
About you when your out to late.
Your going to miss my annoyingness
One day, when i'm gone
Your going to miss how you actually had someone
Who actually wanted you.
And when i'm not there anymore
Your going to miss me.
Disappearing
into the dead
Listening
For a beat
To tell me
There's still life
Somewhere within
This sea
Of broken hearts
And skin covered bones
Wake up, get dressed
Grab stuff, leave house
Go to school, get good grades
Smile and make them all happy
Listen to there problems
Give them advice
Do what ever it takes
School ends, go hide
Grab my knife, add one more scar
Watch it bleed, watch it spill
Watch all your worries fade
You feel something again
Get up, hide the scars
Smile and wave
It's the same everyday
My average middle school life.
I've spent most my life
Looking for someone
Always believing
I found them
Only to figure out
I was wrong again
I start asking myself
Is it worth it
Is it worth having
My heartbroken so much
Is it worth losing
Everything I ever cared for
Is it worth feeling all the pain I've felt
I always say
The same things
When I find that single person
I sat down at your grave,
flowers in my hands.
I looked at the headstone and smiled,
but not in a happy way.
It was almost a painful smile.
I sat down and stared off,
wishing you were still here.
After awhile I got up from the grave and wiped the dirt off my hands.
"I moved farther than I thought I could."
"But I missed you more than I thought I would."
The teacher asked us to write what makes us happy.
I sat there,
thinking.
It had been a few minutes,
everyone around me scribbling down their answers.
I just sat there,
not knowing what to write.
I thought about how music always brings me some kind of emotion,
maybe it wasn't always happy but I didn't have to say that.
I wrote down music,
and the stars.
Everyone else had down a bunch of answers.
I was glad that I at least had two.
They all talked about their families.
It was hard for me to watch everyone else smile,
while I suffer.
Do you blame yourself,
for causing other's pain?
For abandoning them,
only for the benefit of you.
They don't know what it's like,
to feel hurt.
They get mad at you for not talking to them,
saying that you're busy when you're not.
They just don't understand what it's like.
You distance yourself without knowing.
It's hard to live,
when you know others don't want you to.
The season changes,
it turns to December.
You know that feeling,
the way you felt last time?
It's coming back,
to haunt you,
to cut you deep.
That feeling arrives every time,
every time the trees loose leaves,
every time the blinding colored lights turn on.
The feeling that keeps you up,
all
night.
It comes,
every time.
You hate it,
She can't remember her original name
It doesn't matter
She can remember the fire inside her
That is all that matters
Artemis Inciendio is who she is now
And it's what her new family knows her by
She's been here for who knows how long
In this dead-inside city
Months upon months
That shouldn't be enough to forget your own name but that name was forced upon her and it wasn't her's
So she tried her best to shove it out of her mind and it worked
She had made friends
With other wanderers like her
They were hungry together they were starving together sometimes they were cold together in winters and melting together in summers
I don't know how to tell you
I'm broken
without feeling needy.
I don't know how to open up
without feeling judged.
I don't know how to cry
when my tears feel like acid.
I just need you to see that I'm hurting without telling you,
because my words are bleeding out of my mouth,
waiting for you to stitch me up
and make me fine,
although I know that's not your job
and you're better off without me.
I just need you to see me
one last time.