i'm trying
i'm trying my best to be perfect
But it doesn't work
I eat and i feel sick
When i dont eat i also feel sick
i'm sorry for being this way
It's not fair
Why is the person i love trapped in another body?
They will never be able to get out
I dont want to continue anymore
I just dont wanna be here anymore
between rain and snow
between summer and winter
a lone leaf was falling
between here and there
between now and then
a lone leaf was falling
it was you
alone
a homeless man
went to a church
it was his father’s home
he knocked on the door
the door was locked
no one was home
the night was cold
he vanished into the darkness
whatever happened to your lover?
did she walk away?
did she fade away?
"Cancer"
she said
it led her right to her deathbed
and i'm afraid no one
wakes up
from a deathbed
Embrace despair
And laugh in its face
An old friend, and old mockery
Why bother giving thought
To just another burden
Another fact of life
Carry on
A lyric of being broken
Sung to the tune of joy
Words of hopelessness
Screamed in pitchy voices
To upbeat rhythms
Tears of pain
Joins laughter
Trying not to drown in it all
While at the same time wobbling between apathy
Frosty grey light of an almost-dawn
Filtering in through a closed window
Too early for waking, too late for sleep
Burning red hearts of an almost-love
Seeping in through a closed mind
Too early to fall, too late to realize
Sad, blind me of an almost-heartbreak
All alone now
Too little, too late
My skin can not contain my spirit
A bursting heart, fluttering with laughter
Cannot help but leap from its bed
A sincere smile that reflects the mind
Is a delicacy seldom seen
If only it could stay
A single word slips from a naïve tongue
Short-lived happiness withers
The smile, once suspended in timeless merriment
Dies
Plummetting into a cave
Light is swallowed up
I may climb out soon, but
Eventually it will devour me once more
Up, down, up, down
Goes my radiance
Silver, dancing visions of knights
Valiant heroes who knew what was right
Skimming fairies, giggling girls
Fair men and fair maidens with shimmering curls
Disowned reality, birthed one anew
Each choice in that world was made solely by you
Ignored the future, forgot the past
Never dreaming that maybe your world wouldn't last
A childish whim with short-lived glee
If only you'd opened your eyes--tried to see
Now here you stand, alone again
Lived so long in fantasy, you never made friends
Sluggish, sick, and sad, the tedium sets in
Was a child's imagination really such a sin?
Nothing here, nothing left, too many broken selves
Just dusty old heroes on dusty old shelves
Candies and chocolate tarts
Satisfy your stomach
But only the grin of a certain girl
Can satisfy your heart
Sickly sweet, she led you on
(There were no bad intentions)
Honey layered to the sky
Then one day you were gone
Inside jokes and friendly calls
Were all that you could share
She said you were like a brother
And that was the first of the walls
Was she a little too sweet?
Did you grasp at false hope?
Sugar piled miles high
It was really quite a feat
I'm growing grief in my garden
It grows strong and elegant in a way that I find myself proud of but also leaves me feeling sick
When they bloom it will be beautiful
Because no one will know it was grief to begin with
A sick part of me wants to give them away once they bloom bright and colorful
A part of me wants them to know the grief they've caused me to nurture
There is grief growing in my garden
But there is also memories and loyalty
I wonder what that says about me
My soul is too old for my body
It has seen too many things
Things that have left me weary of people
There was a time when I secluded myself from everything
Especially touch
I am an old soul
Too aged for the face I wear
It's sad in a way I cannot explain
I should not have some of the wisdom I do now
To be 18 and already so wary of the world
I had a dream,
A dream of you,
Where trees were blue,
And all the world was right.
I had a dream
Where he loved me,
And I loved he,
And everything was right.
I had a dream
Where you proposed
With turquoise rose,
And you and I were right.
I had a dream
Where something said
Filled him with dread
And nothing e'er was right.