The Doctor sits beside the empty bed
respirator and tubing all about
bags and bandages clutter the floor
tired, so tired, she weeps
tears fall on the rumpled sheets
I couldn’t save her
she couldn’t breathe
I tried, Oh I tried so hard
She gasped her last
She said “thank you.”
Tears leak down my face
Washing away the words
Slapped across my face
And beaten into my bones
These pale scars define me
Splayed across my wrist
Fury and hate carved into my soul
I can never wash it away
Blood spills on clean sheets
Bonds broken
Trust beaten
Lies shaken
Love scattered
Even those tears can't fall
Without a little rain
But afterwards a rainbow
Looking back at life.
Makes me rethink my past.
All of my memories,
The ones that would last.
But I forget most.
My brain slipping away.
I still can't remember,
what happened those days.
Burning pain.
A puppet without strings.
Crying for help.
An angel with wings.
Holes in my hands
Who put them there?
Crystal blue eyes
and soft silky hair.
I have a blanket, can you see
Always foreboding and appalling
Covering me like a shield
Outside I seem happy
Inside, my pain increases
Pushing, throbbing against my blanket
Until I can take no more
Finding a cold, dark place
That is where my blanket breaks
Silent tears rain from my face
Washing away my pain, worries and love
When I am finished
I place my blanket back around me
And I start back on my lonely path
Smiling, but broken
Never in control.
That's how my life was.
Never in control of my friends.
Family.
Actions.
My voices taking over, guiding me.
Like a sickening puppet on strings.
I danced for them.
I loved for them.
I cared for them.
But now, we get along.
After so many years.
Only to hear the words.
That make my life come tumbling down.
Help me.
Please.
This pain.
If you can even call it that.
Wraps around my brain.
Strangling me.
Silence, as my ears fill with water.
My head, not swimming.
But kissing the ground softly.
Blood drips like a faucet, white surrounded by red.
My vision, gone.
My fear bubbling over.
My body, not in control.
Thrashing, hurting, aching.
I wake, tears on my cheeks.
Not my own, but my love's.
He cradles my head.
Gently,
My love, please do not help.
For I don't want you to suffer too.
My hope, please do not cry.
For I will always love you.
My forgiveness, please do not falter.
For you are my biggest flaw.
My fear, do not leave me.
For I deserve the painful claws.
My child, do not love me.
For nothing I have done.
My weakness, do consume me.
Because you have finally won.
The stars are very beautiful when the city lights are behind me.
My breath fogging up my eyes, unable to see.
This chill creeps into my bones, but here it is to stay.
While the wind howls, speaking words I dare not say.
Glancing at the moon, it slowly falls behind the trees.
Another house lights up, my tears hitting my sleeves.
Walking inside, hugs and kisses hit my cheeks.
Presents littering the floor underneathe the tree.
Another painful Christmas comes and goes.
A fake smile infront of a face no one knows.
Can you feel it?
The earth-cracking news.
Tumbling to the ground as my legs can no longer support the weight.
Feel each and every nail being driven into this heart.
I once had walls.
What is left of them now?
Crumbles, no ashes. Bits of concreted lies and shame, coating my lungs.
Coughing it up when I can no longer breathe.
Can you see them?
The cracks along my skin.
Not completely shattered.
Broken, but not destroyed.
Scars, crisscrossed across flesh of old, hoping for a day of peace from a blade.
Can you taste it?
The shame upon my lips.
As I skip from one to the next, littering love and tossing hearts as if toys.
Help me!
I can't stop the bleeding.
You can't die like this.
You can't leave me all alone.
You promised, we promised.
Let me take your place.
Unbelievable.
I can't believe this is happening.
One, two, three, four.
Breathe. Inhale, exhale.
Damnit! Please!
Revealing her passing.
My feelings pouring from my eyes.
Darkness ripped apart the room.
Screams of agony.
Begging for forgiveness.
Letting you go was my mistake.
I understand it now.
But I still see your face
Everywhere I go.
When you think he loved you enough..
You were wrong.
When you though he cared about you...
You were wrong.
When you though you were his world....
You were wrong.
But.. the one thing you were right about is...
Not running back to him.