Please Let me Out!
Please, I wanna leave.
I wish I could show you,
If I did you wouldn't see.
If I told you my truth,
You wouldn't know what to believe.
You'd swear I was making it up.
But I didn't .
I've lived through it.
I got all the scars and memories to prove it.
I'm insane they say.
No its how I was raised.
Always in the streets
And in a car for days.
When I close my eyes
I see the men on top of her.
please let’s not pretend we don’t know
what it means when all the salmon have died
nobly. that we are only just now discovering
their bodies in Pike Place Market
gutted, splayed, sun-
bleached with early afternoon. that when
the sudden season came over us, displacing
we did not ask the mountain to turn its back
or compare the streets to veins. that we
did not see at the unzipped jackets, gleaming
on plastic grass, and remind ourselves
of fish skin. how acceptable we are.
that our needle is not ironic, or a finger pointing
always skywards. that my father
did not say seattle is god’s country in summer.
Two years passed.
Two lives lived.
Two stories unfolded.
One untold.
One a mystery.
One heart wants more.
No sign of disagreement.
No hope, still.
No hope.
No, I don’t believe in hell, but wish
I hadn’t seen her twitch
panic at being pierced
the needle clawed the iris of the mind’s-eye
as the long caterwaul
of distress
hammered my ears
I flinched–
(They said it would soon be over.)
To see her lives
spill out her eyes and empty into mine
feel the images imprinting on me
her executioner and witness
oh, now I wish I never saw her
wilting in that blank abyss alone.
You needn’t ask now if I believe in purgatory.
No words to leave on paper,
No sounds behind a window,
No stranger passing by.
I have what I've got.
Sound proof glass,
Unknown eyes staring right at me.
I can do nothing just lay down
Listening to my silent heartbeat.
I want to hug a person,
But nobody is really here.
I want to feel somebody here,
But no real eyes are looking through me.
I see nothing and everything,
I feel everything and nothing.
Feel like not sleeping tonight,
And once again going to the world of my own.
Flying mirrors,
Crashing, stirred.
Mom's not coming,
Slapped and whipped.
Empty windows,
No surprise.
Shouting, rattling
No device.
What is here,
And what is there?
No voice back,
Like no loved chat.
Empty bottle,
Empty glass.
Nothing's keeping,
Not the grass.
she burns herself with her cigarette
accidentally
again
and i’m
across the table
coffee between us
soon
we’ll compare suicide attempts
ah
romance
You told me you were
afraid to loose me
and then you
faced your fears
and left.
I remember when i was
the twinkle in my daddy's eyes.
Then he left one day
without saying good-bye.
She'd wake the next morning
hoping it was just a dream
finding out her mommy
really wasn't mean
A bat or a broomstick
A hnager or a hand
A little or a lot
She couldn't understand
Why someone who
claimed to care
would shout and yell
and pull her hair
Thinking of you I lean over silent water,
this head appears.
The earth turns,
the sky has no motion.
One by one my eyelashes free themselves and fall,
and meet themselves for the first and last time.
She gets the attention
She gets love
She gets rewards
She gets to be happy
She gets to party
Because she behaves
She is nice
She can't fail
She does it all right
And me
I'm in her shadow
She's an angel with big wings
And I
I can't crawl around them
My wing are broken
Beaten