brings a tear to my eye everytime
thinking and knowing you've passed
I ignore it and i bear it
only a year has passed
I didn't cry, I don't know why
well, yes I do
I've chosen to ignore it
mainly for selfish reasons
more like an internal treason
I can't let you go
I miss you
and i love you
the dreams you sent to comfort me
they hurt me
but i know
it was love that you sent
Can't find peace with in me
I've turned all the stones
My inner light is lit
but the bulb is gone
They ask me where you've been all this time
I tell them you're deep inside your own mind
trying to find a way out
They ask me how I've been all this time
I tell them I've been trapped inside my own mind
floating on a cloud
Oh Christ what do we do
How do I get to where I started
How far should I go
My vision seems to be clouded
I've lost my way, I can't find my way home
Ask yourself where you've been all this time
You tell yourself once again all your lies
trying to find help
Ask myself How I've been all this time
feeling like a trapped dog trying to get out
if I chance to see the sunrise
will it be a better day
been walking this road so long now
I believe I've lost my way
did I ever really have a direction
did I ever think I knew the way
I've been walking this road so blindly
I don't know when it's night or day
but I choose to stroll the beaten path
just in case I find a place
to rest my weary feet and heart
to rest my weary head
I pray that it will lead me on
to a silent and peaceful place
I wanted to be your rising sun and your setting moon
I wanted to be the warmth you felt in the afternoon
I wanted to be your cool breeze, but i'm none of these
none of these
I wanted to be the smile you wake to everyday
I wanted to be your hug when you walk away
I wanted to be the wind in the trees
yet i'm none of these
none of these
I wanted to be your husband and you to be my wife
I wanted to lay with you each and everynight
now that will never be, because I am none of these
none of these
I smile for the world
I smile for you, I smile for me
but this smile isn't me
it isn't me
I laugh for the world
I laugh for you, I laugh for me
but there is no joy, this is no joke
there is no happiness in my heart to stoke
like a fire in a hearth
like a fire that burns the earth
this heart has died
there is no more fire left inside
the flames have died
I cried for a man I never knew today,
I cried for his daughters pain,
I felt her anguish.
even tho she'll never know my my name,
I shared her pain.
I cried when my ex-wife met someone else,
but I've never cried for myself,
I tear at the sensitive parts of a movie,
but I refuse to let my own emotions move me,
I refuse to let them out,
I refuse to let them be.
They're always creeping round
always begging to be set free
but I never let them leave
I keep them locked up inside of me
I fear if I open the flood gates
Cast a baleful look my way
just another day here in this life
can't be the excited person you wish i use to be
that's just not me
anymore
I laugh and I smile, crack my jokes, all the while
I hide behind my wall
here I stand tall without you
just being me
forever more
you stand in the warmth of the sun
I live amongst these winds that freeze the soul
you walk through life at your own pace
I run though life like I'm in a race
not anymore
I blaze my own trail
I want to be
As empty as my stomach
I just want to
Fly far away
I want to see
The marks on my skin
Fade away
Simply to be remade
I want to ask you
How many of these scars
You think are mine
And how many were you
I want to see
The numbers go down
See the sizes melt away
Until I'm left with a zero
(The stars are whispering my name.
I can barely hear them through the ringing in my ears.
How could this have gone so wrong—
And yet so right?
I fade to dust alone, yet surrounded
By trillions of friends.)
Waiting, questioning,
Lying to myself.
Coming to the realization
I have nothing else.
I put my feelings aside.
I focus on others.
Thinking quietly to myself
I won't fail my sister and brothers.
I try to hide the pain
And tell my friends my life is great,
Only filled with love,
But really it's just hate.
Hating what they've done to us.
Hating what she did.
Hating our whole family
For the easy goodbye they bid.
I put it away
Tried to change it.
Make It better.
But I ran in circles.
Thought moving around would make me feel better.
Like the sky when it moves.
The clouds look so happy.
That's what I want to be.
Happy.