In a single moment your whole world can change
all hope is gone
replaced by an emptiness as vast as the sea
the world has gone colorless
food has gone tasteless
the light in me gone dim
tears replace the joy
faith done in by anger
love like there is no tomorrow
You dont really know what you have until its gone, but somtimes I want you to leave so badly just so i can see if what I had was really the best I can get
I asked you a question looking for an answer but all i got was silence
i try to be
be me, myself and no one else
try to be the best version of myself, that there ever can and will be
there's moments
moments in which i feel as though i am in control
but i am not
because after, follow the moments in which i notice that i never was and never will be in control
it's my mind, that's in control
i hate myself so much, that i want to destroy myself
i hate my mind so much, that i question whether it deserves its place on earth sometimes
and then i hate myself a bit more for hating myself
because i want to be strong for others
for her, who sometimes needs me so desperately
for them, who might think i'm a freak
the pieces fall of my skin in patches.
patches of sadness, worry, doubt and fright.
left is just the raw flesh, ready to be used.
at first, happiness, freedom and lightheartedness settle in.
it flushes me red, my skin glowing with the feelings.
then, slowly but surely, anger, distress, trauma and nervousness overcome me,
and they turn my skin dry, wounded and slightly detached.
that's when everything repeats itself.
something turns the newly grown skin under the old, broken one, hot,
and the patches fall again, leaving untouched, beautiful skin, just waiting to receive new emotions.
my body changes like that, sometimes every day,
sometimes only every week.
says the barista
when I admire the décor
riding the surface
of my green drink,
but I respect her artistry
and stare at its persistence
although I’ve now savored
enough to be recorded
in kelp-colored residuals
—a foam of bubbles, miniatures—
all around the upper third
of my tall glass, a seashore
for my matcha, tide receding.
The morning light entering
the coffee shop filters
through suspended ash of forests
Maybe it's easier said than done.
Quicker to say the words than to do actions.
Especially when you aren't sure about the reaction.
Just like scientist have said over the years "with every action there is a reaction."
But they didn't tell me the reaction you'd give when I said "I love being here."
They didn't say you'd reply, "Stay if you want but don't be surprised when I'm not there."
The reaction I didn't want.
The action I must've deserved.
When I think of the memories I have once shared in my home
It seems that I have lost a part of me
My heart and soul
My home had played a big major part in my life
It tells about who I am as a person
A story you might as well say
It seems that I have lost a love one; a family member who I can't see anymore
Everything that I have done for myself and everybody who has done for me is gone
Up in flames
It seems that everything I know in life is gone
I can't change that
A burn of a home that I cherish so much
I don't see no one to talk to
No one to share my thoughts
No one to love or just hang with
I hear no one around
I don't know anyone from here
The only thing I hear is sounds from the waves on the water
Animals making noises
Vehicles passing by on the highway
It is like this place
These people are strangers to me
But who knows I just might be a stranger to myself
Sometimes I feel like I am invincible to the whole wide world
Even if I had someone to talk to
I probably stay to myself
I am afraid to tell anyone of how I really feel about myself
I feel like I am invincible
Closed the door act like you don't care
You don't even show how you really feel
You closed everyone else out of your life
Like you closed a door
You put a chain
A lock
To keep your feelings safe
To keep your heart from breaking into pieces
Able to cry yourself to sleep at night
To comfort yourself
A chance to be alone
All alone by yourself
No one to trust except God and yourself
To scream your heart and soul out
No ones hears you at all
Not even a sound that a ant can hear
Sometimes I wish I could be a shadow
So I could shield myself of being hurt
I just keep on putting up with a lot of junk and I'm tired of it
The fussing has got to stop
But it will never
People assume I'm selfish and that I deserve to be fuss at all the time
Now if I was a shadow people won't see me except for if they are truly looking for me in the darkness hiding with a slight of light
Thinking I'm not around but I am
In the beginning, there were nine,
standing together, like school kids in line.
Wondered a few times, about the view they glare,
maybe laughing, or sitting in the judge's chair.
Companion, friend, observer what they are,
always up in affirmative, whenever I may need.
A waft of air, they all nod in cadence,
agreeing in unison, arguments pose no chance.
Had imagined, they will stay forever,
curtain down at a time, but never together.
Crisp dusk, summer days, an eerie calm,
men down, chopped up, my beloved palms.
I love enough until it turns cold
I hate enough until the fire burn bold
I care enough till the trust is gone
I feel sorry until I see it's wrong
I'm gone, hidden in the shade ( you can't see me )
I'm gone, until you forget my name ( i hope )
then I'm gone ( hidden in a song )
then I'm gone ( I'll be hiding behind the song )
I care, till the well runs dry
I cried, until my eye's ran dry
I held on, till my grip was gone
I called your name, till i was deaf and dumb
Now I'm just gone, hidden in the shade ( you can't see me )
I'm gone, until I forget your name ( i hope )
then I'll be gone ( hidden in a song )
then I'll just be gone ( I'll be hiding behind the song )