A fresh book, it's been ages.
Worlds undiscovered
On crisp pages.
I was alone, sitting.
Groups of people
Never quite fitting.
I was lost again.
The cooing of the mourning dove
in the backyard reminds me
I should be crying. I have been
and will be but it catches me
at a bad time. I just woke up.
I was ready, honestly, to let loose
first thing but thought I’d hold off
this morning, at least until after
breakfast. So, I replace
the dove’s plaintive call with
the whistling of a tea kettle.
I bring my buttered English muffin
and clear glass mug of Earl Grey tea
to the bamboo side table in front of
the living room window and lean
forward on the wicker chair
Voice I have, silent l am
Eyes I have got, yet blind I have remained
Tears I have cried yet unseen I have gone
Help I scream yet unheard I suffered
Happy she seems happy the world states
So I laughed a distant laughter that is
Friends I have yet lonely I have been
Family I was blessed yet belonging I have been cursed
Too dumb to benifit society
Too ugly to benifit a man
Where do I fit
Happy she seems happy the world states
So I laughed a distant laughter that is
Tick tock time moves
Yet with each day that passes
Into the unknown I vanish
sometimes i want to hurt myself
but then i remember
that promise i made last december
to never take my life away
from what i would hate to say
what people call this beautiful day
so sorry if i'm not feeling my best
or that all i want to do is lie in bed
but just remember i'm already dead
i miss you.
your smile
your laugh
your eyes
and most of all your voice.
your voice that would stop my eyes from shedding another tear.
your voice that held me with your words that felt like a hug.
but now you tell me to leave you alone.
and now all i have is a memory
i guess i'll stay just for one more day
as my bones start to crack
and my brain starts to rot
like i've been stabbed in the back
when my bed starts to feel like the person who understands me the most
and every one around me seems like ghosts
and that life feels like a dream
that is a never ending nightmare
and that my voice can no longer scream
but i'll be right there
you saw me crying
"suck it up"
you saw me get distant
"do you even love us anymore"
you saw me waking up late
"you're so lazy"
but what you didn't see was my smile fading
you didn't see my happiness gone
you didn't see my hair falling out
you didn't see my arm that holds scars
but your right it might just be my phone.
She is slowly falling apart,
parts of her breaking away
on the inside.
People believe her
when she says
she's okay.
She doesn't want
people to believe
her.
They should ask
what's
wrong.
Can't they
see how broken
she is?
If they can't,
I walk up to my locker,
And guess what I see?
All of these hurtful words,
Written just for me.
The black inkiness of the marker,
Just sits there and taunts me,
Everyday that passes by.
The permanent marker is not,
Just on the locker.
What it says is now
Perpetually there,
Never to be erased.
The words are now scrawled,
Across my heart,
Permanent as the marker,
On my locker.
No entertainment can be found,
There's nothing that I want to do,
I'm just feeling sad,
My heart feels so blue.
Disappointment hits me harder
What happened to my neutral state?
I want to go back to that,
Nothing can make me feel bad there.
Red eyes are a new trend in fashion,
Or at least my body thinks so,
Blue eyes sheaned by tears,
That I won't let fall.
The black cloud has come back,
It hangs over my head,
Not a depressed cloud,
Just a sad one.
You feel trapped
by the people
around you.
You need someone's
help,
you know it's true.
I watch them
torment you,
what should I do?
How can I make
it stop
soon?
Even when I
myself
don't like you?
But then again
In a single moment your whole world can change
all hope is gone
replaced by an emptiness as vast as the sea
the world has gone colorless
food has gone tasteless
the light in me gone dim
tears replace the joy
faith done in by anger
love like there is no tomorrow