'I don't know what is more tragic— the time I keep looking for you wherever I go or the fact that you are never there.'
I wish you would told me "hold unto me"
Then I'll be reluctant to turn my back at you.
The memory I thought I had forgotten swallows me everyday.
So if you want go away,
Just please stay in my heart instead.
Looking at the sky, peering into the darkness.
Looking for light, not finding that star.
Or maybe this is a dream in neither do I exist.
Because I'm always the ghost you never noticed.
Dear year twelve,
A second doesn’t fly
without thinking of the future;
the years that might go as fast
as this one surely did.
Life doesn’t exist
without a thought of my aging life
now on a highway,
speeding.
My pads first used
at a sleepover during my friends party.
My new bras, growing numbers,
but not as fast as my shoe size.
There was a month I cut my wrist
out of anger, wanting pain
that could be sorted through my mind.
Unprecedented memories still haunting me
Neglected by the kismet that has chosen to side with you
The endless cuts and scars it has left me
Forbid the shards of my past from incapacitating me to death
For it got so close
I look into that broken mirror
And see a person, a face that can't fathom the thought that it was me
Everyone has believed this false faze you project
But not me
I realized this mirror that you showed me was faulty, broken even
It wasn't truly me—
It's was all just an image you wanted the world to see...
My lungs flood
My hands wave frantically
Tears spill, but are hidden among the crowd
I slowly sink
Yet I still run towards the water
I just want to dance
But I can't hear the music play
Oh I just want to move my feet
But they can't find their way
Trough the clouds
Of lonely agonies
Losing friends
Gaining enemies
I just want to be free
Fly like a bird over the pain
I want to aim high for the sky
But my vision is blurred by the rain
And there is no exit
I am stuck in between
Of changing my life
And committing that sin
Spring is coming to our towns
Sun is shining over our hearts
And it shines bright, very hot
But am I happy? No I'm not
Summer is hiding behind it's back
And soon it will come and shine
With it's rays upon our heads
Pour the warm chills onto our beds
But I don't want it to come
I don't want to see the bright sun
I feel desperate, lonely and lost
Only pleasure I feel is winter's frost
My soul is cold, colder it can't be
I am lost at the northern, arctic sea
Guess I'll have to just wait for snow
And when it falls I know I won't feel so low
Sometimes I dream that I am back in the day
When I used to watch cartoons and go out to play
Craft magic tools made up in my brain
And run around following my paper plane
Now I'm standing here, digging nails in my hands
Trying not to listen to my mother's commands
Rebeling against the modern world falling apart
Creating all these silly lines, so called art
Tomorrow I hope I won't be like everyone else
Who have never felt emotions so intense
Collecting all the wasted hours on the job that they hate
The only wish I want is not to experience that fate
And when my bones become so heavy and old
I hope my soul won't feel as cold
As the frost of life without any meaning
I hear the whispers of my clock
Cursing at me
Telling me that I should get going
Move myself
Go somewhere
My body is chained to the chair
I have turned to stone
One lazy kind
But it's not easy to start doing something
After a long time of doing nothing
Maybe my time has passed away
And I'm left here to stay
Do nothing and be nobody
As if it's meant to be that way
I'm sorry for the things I've done
I'm sorry for what was said
I'm sorry for these words I write
While lying here in bed.
The thing I need to tell you is
You mean so much to me
But it hurts so much to realize
There are things that you don't see.
I wanted you to love me too
I wanted you to care
I wanted to belong with you
I wanted to be a pair.
But you made it fairly clear
That you don't want the same
And this, I know is all my fault
There's no one else to blame.
As you stood to leave, I could not collect
the light reflecting from your eyes; I could
only share the colors of the world, the
fluid shimmering of rainbows, in the tear formed
upon your cheek. You turned and your last smile
I gathered in my hands, as a child holding
a soapy bubble in the summer sun,
in awe of its existence, barely
aware of gossamer mortality.
Upon my fingers, stripes of salt where
I brushed away the water from your eyes.
I stir them now into my tea, and sip
the memory how you would not say goodbye.
You simply kissed me and then walked away
into the vernal rain. I sat still
and stared into my cup, reading the leaves,