my eyes no longer weep,
but yet for some reason
I still cannot sleep.
you are no longer able to hurt me
but i still feel as though you are here,
please someone tell me how to
stop you from still feeling near...
He's here,
He's everywhere I am.
He's in my hair,
He's in my sheets,
He's in my headphones,
With every single song I listen to.
He's just here.
He's always just lingering.
Some nights I just lay there,
I lay there with a soft stream trickling down my ever so soft cheeks,
Although I do not realise it is there.
I take a second to touch my cheek,
and it is in that moment that my hand gets stained with all my thoughts and all my realisations.
I heard she writhed and cursed all night
I heard she whined and complained about her chest feeling tight
I heard her mother whispered to her until daylight
Promising her child's that it'll be alright.
Until she was gone
Stopped fighting for her life, she was done
They told me she had loved better
They said you promised to marry her later
Funny,
I refrained from mentioning that you once promised that to me
At the back of my mind a voice keeps whispering "that could have been me"
Had I not jumped ship,
Sacrificed at the alter of love I could have been that sheep.
Now I'm caught at a hard place
Don't know if I should be thankful that I'm safe
Or cry for the life that probably took my place.
Air, I need air.
I'll be out to find me a sufficient enough resting spot.
Perhaps somewhere down there by the river.
Where I plan to stay until the sun goes down.
I won't be planning of leaving even until the sun rise back up.
I'd rather that than having my valuation dropped by my own kind.
Those who ranked first on my priority list.
Because if I stay to watch and let it all be done,
I'd lost my worth earned before I lose all and myself.
However long forever takes will be how long I'll be gone,
If that's what it takes for all to be fine.
I lean back into by bed; my eyes tried and my heart beating shyly.
I think; what have I lost?
To not see his eyes again.
Never to gaze upon the glint of his smile,
Comparable only to the shine on diamonds.
To know, that instead of opening my eyes to his,
I will open them only to see my empty grey hands.
I feel stranded; sinking in a sea made of only land.
To lose so little as one man,
But to gain as much as a hundred soulless tears.
To know, as I lay about my sheets,
That I will never see him again, nor I he.
I cringe; my eyes starting to burn.
To know that he shall never be able to hear my words, nor my pleas,
No, these words of mine will be lost on the mouthless walls of my bedroom,
The silence, emptiness
The feeling of abandonment
Sitting there all alone
In the early early morning
No other students
No other company
But the chalk dust
And cold heaters
With the ice forming
Just outside my window
Sitting here all alone
Scribbling my words.
Child, World, Hide and Seek
Light floods the garden
The child's world
So light and happy
And in it the child plays
Hide and seek with friends
So then the child searches his world
Searches and searches
For his hiding friends
But finds instead
The harshness of growing up
Life, death, butterfly
Life pulsing through my veins,
Blowing through my lungs,
Filling my stomach
Giving me life
Death clotting up my veins,
Deflating my lungs
Emptying my stomach
Sucking out my life
And I watch as my life
A delicate butterfly with paper-thin wings
Taken by Death's icy grasp
And frozen in place
Time, drains, innocent
A child is born, but
Time drains it of innocence
And it is no more
Dots, sprinkle, sadness
Onto my cake I
sprinkle dark chocolate bits
spelling out sadness
Curl, Safe, Claw
I curl into a
safe cocoon of leaves hiding
me from the sharp claws
Clouds, Thoughts, Hungry
The hungry heaven
swallows the clouds of my thoughts
still hungry for more
How much will make it end?
How much would do the trick?
It's a thought that's always there.
It's a thought that keeps me at peace.
How would it be if I was gone?
Because I'm done.
It's like a heavy weight
Can't move
Don't want to
Lots of regret I can't express